Lanie Exposed...

Thanks to everyone who read my first attempt at blogging in years and even bigger thanks to those that commented! I'll be writing my own response after this blog is completed. This one is a little different... please bare with me!

*****

Some of you may know, I've been having a very tough couple of weeks. No, all of my loved ones are alive and well, even my Aunt came through her cancer surgery ok. No, I didn't lose my job; I'm not going to be tossed out of my apartment. No, I didn't get sick....

But what happened instead is something that I wasn't prepared for - something that has shaken me because it's something I never considered, something I can't explain, or justify or even comprehend. Someone close to me has tried to hurt me in a most hateful way, and for the life of me, I didn't see it coming, and I know I didn't/ don't deserve it... I feel... numb.

You get comfortable... you think that your friends care about you, and if you truly value them as friends, you trust them... or at least I did. Now I sit here, and all I can do is wonder how I could be so naive, so trusting... Maybe it was the security of "knowing" someone nearly half your life. Maybe I'm just a bad judge of character.

I don't want any one experience to jade my view of people, but I'm having a hard time with this. I think I'll be resistant to being so open in the future. Inherently that feels like a bad thing to me, but maybe it's a change I should have made a long time ago...

****

I read an article today titled 'Empathy Deficit Disorder'
(http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/06/18/o.empathy/index.html) and it's almost funny how on time it was.

Have you ever been going through something difficult and needed a friend to be there for you and they responded in a way that made you feel 100% worse? Well, maybe they are EDD - "catastrophically unempathetic" to the feelings of others. I don't know if it will make you feel better in the moment, but I found it moderately amusing.

***

Someone told me today that "people are much more humble than we think - even the most arrogant person." After some thought, I think I agree. Not everyone, but many of us sell ourselves too short, whether on the job or in our relationships. Looking in the mirror, I sometimes question how someone else will view my work experiences and skills... I've spent time in relationships with men that aren't worthy of me (it's not easy for me to even type that still after so much evidence)... Why? I'm not sure. From now on I'll be striving to land in situations that benefit me, and that I can add value to.

**

Here's to some of the things I would have blogged about if I wasn't feeling so crummy:

- R. Kelly gets to GO and will immediately collect $2 Billion dollars from his next album...

- Somewhere in Baltimore, a group of people (or gang as they say) thinks it's cool to open fire on groups of toddlers, hitting two of them (non-fatally thank God)

- Tim Russert joins the likes of Ed Bradley and Peter Jennings - talented and objective reporters eternally watching us from the good seats

- Craigslist is pretty cool, even though I've already been stood up by a would be buyer.

- There's nothing like family!

- Do you realize you could listen to an entire Frank Sinatra album and not feel compelled to skip any of the songs?

- Jealousy is an evil little feeling...

*

There is always a silver lining. Even in times of pain or sadness we are still blessed. My dad and i have gotten closer and I've been amused at how protective he has been.. it's kind of cute. My brother, my dad and I all went out together for father's day.. equally impressive. I'm optimistic about getting out of this apartment that's been sucking the financial life out of me for the last few months! I have also found love in some rather unlikely places - people who I've had experiences with that run the gamut, and yet somehow I knew who they were and that they would be there. I still trusted them, and they still embraced me. I guess all hope isn't lost. *smile*

=)

Pray for me

The Reincarnation - Summer Musings - Week of 6/4/08

Greetings!

Well, I think the last time I did this was in either 2004 or 2005 so I may be a little rusty. Please work with me as I regain my bearings. Basically what I will be doing here is sharing ideas and posing questions about a variety of topics for you to consider. I attempt objectivity in the posts, saving my point of view for later.

For me this is an opportunity to gather my thoughts, reflect on them and share them with you. It’s calming and I’ve missed it dearly. So, please read, and if you are so inclined, let me know how you feel. Enjoy!

- - - -

* There has been a lot of talk recently about Hilary Clinton wanting to be on the Ticket with Obama as VP… how would this combination be harmful/beneficial to the democratic party and how would it detract/add to his message of change?

* Does anyone in the media realize that the Bush administration claimed victory in Iraq back in 2003 and yet we still have a multi-billion dollar war going on 5 years and thousands of lives later? Why is this ok?

* On Russ Parr’s show this morning, they had a conversation about the R. Kelly trial, and how a significant number of his listeners’ were writing in to blame the girl, who was 12 or 13 at the time. The penile system often charges young teenagers as adults for serious crimes. Has our society gotten to the point where we think children are fully responsible for their actions?

* Conversely, a judge sentenced a father to six months in jail because his 19 year old daughter failed the GED exam again. The daughter also has an 18 month old child. At what point should parents be accountable for the actions or inactions of their children?

* Is anyone else cheering really hard that the Celtics win the NBA Championship this year (Go KG!!!)? Is anyone else also finding it somewhat difficult to stomach the fact that it’s the Celtics they are cheering for?

* Someone close to me once said “If they aren’t married, they are single” in reference to men and women in committed however not legally binding relationships. Does/should “cheating” only apply to married couples? Do we place too much importance on pre-marital relationships? If not, what’s the difference between being boyfriend/girlfriend and being your husband/wife?

* How frequently do you think about what you want in your life? Do you ever feel guilty about some of the things that you want? Do you take actions to put yourself in position to get what you want or do you take steps to ensure or only slightly elevate your current status?

* One of my professors said that one of her colleagues abroad indicated the only thing the United States was good for was producing entertainment (sports, movies, music) and that we might as well get out of every other business. With the number of companies outsourcing design and manufacturing, and the number of students obtaining technical degrees declining, do they have a point?

* I’ve always been of the mindset that it is much better to be actual friends with someone before you get involved in a relationship with them. Is this reasonable or is it just as possible to develop a great relationship with someone who meets you with the intent to date you?

That's it for now. Thanks for reading!