I haven't written in a while, and perhaps I've suffered for it. A lot has happened in the last 4 months that's gone virtually undocumented - I've been baptized, gone to Vegas, New Orleans and Houston, secured my own consulting job, been promoted at work, learned yet another lesson or two about love and bought a new car. It's been a season of high highs, and low lows.
Now I'm in a place where there is so much to do and I can't seem to find my way to getting anything done. I know God won't leave me hanging out on a limb, but my motivation is low and I've been praying for some pep in my steps. Part of it is being hurt and depressed about a failed relationship. It's never easy when you care for someone who can't or won't care for you back the way you deserve. I find myself struggling, missing a friend who wasn't always a friend to me, wondering why it turned out the way that it did. Knowing that despite my sadness, he wouldn't have changed, and I couldn't have been happy with that.
As I look ahead to what the future has in store professionally, personally and spiritually. I have 8 months until graduation... then it will be time for me to do something new, probably in someplace new. Now, more than ever, I realize the beauty of being not-busy. I no longer associate being busy with being important - I think I subconsciously used to. Instead of a life full of ladder climbing, power networking and high visibility projects, I prefer a life of meaningful achievements, lasting relationships and PTA meetings.
God is answering my prayers in the way that only he can. So I'm going to keep up these prayers, knowing that although sometimes the answers may hurt, I'll be better for them in the long run. I know that we are brought through experiences and meet people for a reason that isn't always clear. In love, my relationships have taught me well - preparing me for a man that will be everything I want him to be, and in turn I will be able to appreciate and cherish him as he deserves. I know I'm not perfect... but I pray he can accept me in whole, as I am. My experiences have helped me figure out what I want, and what I don't want. What's acceptable and what isn't. I know there is a lot more to learn...
For now, I should probably stop these random musings and focus on getting things finalized for my conference, wrapping up consulting projects and closing out assignments for school... If anyone can help, I would greatly appreciate it.
It's nice to be writing again...
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2 comments:
I am more than willing to help, let me know how I can assist.
I understand the struggle of a busy schedule, responsibilities, the essence of pray, and learning from experiences. I recently lost my best friend and the woman I loved. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but that opportunity is gone. I lost 2 important women in my life and now all I have is pictures....
If you need a shoulder to lean on or a helping hand or someone to bounce ideas off of, I'm here whenever you need me...
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