Conditioned by the music...

I love R&B music... and I suppose therein lies the problem. Rhythm and Blues...

Blues... a state of depression or melancholy.

I was talking to a good friend earlier who stated something rather profound. She said something to the effect of "I wondered for a long time if I really loved my husband (prior to marriage) because for so long I associated pain with love, as if you can't have one without the other."

Wow.

She isn't alone in her thought process... many people, including myself, associate the ups and downs, joys and pains with a typical, dare I say even normal relationship. Where there's passion, there must be pain. Where there's love, there also is sorrow. But why...

Driving home from class, I was listening to the radio and "I miss you" by Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes circa 1972 was on. As I turned up the music and sung along with every word, it struck me. We've been conditioned by the music to believe that being in love, true love, also means going through pain, begging, forgiveness... After all, everyone messes up, right? Some of the "best" songs are centered around this concept, and we just eat them up. It becomes a sign of true love if you're willing to own up to your mistakes, plead for another chance. These songs make you wonder "What if" (a great song by Babyface) we were really meant to be... I should give them another chance, and you get caught in the cycle.

And if it's not baby please forgive me, the music talks about the very beginning, the pursuit of love. We're lead to believe that love is a chase at the beginning. An image of a man (or woman), adoring a woman (or man) from afar, just waiting to gain her/his affection. Think - "Beauty" by Dru Hill, "I wanna get next to you" Rose Royce, "Silly" Deniece Williams...

After that you have the songs that lead to the please forgive me type - the "pretty infidelity"... "Bad Habits" Maxwell, "As We Lay" Shirley Murdock, "Next Lifetime" Erykah Badu... Can it be that bad if it feels soo good. And can't I be sorry about it even as it's happening. "If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right" Right...?

Is it any wonder that we think that love can't just be that? Most of us have experienced this radio version of love. Met a guy or girl, thought they were the one, pursued a relationship, gotten hurt for any number of reasons, tried to work it out, made up just to break up (another song)... and then, if it's really the self-fulfilling prophecy had them realize their wrongs and try to come back into your life...

Sometimes though, you have to take a step back, and realize that it doesn't have to be that way. Loving someone doesn't have involve the word sorry. It really can be easy. An effort that you both want to make... a natural flow without the games we're conditioned to play. You can meet someone, laugh together, miss one another, love one another and express these feelings openly to each other. You can work together through any difficulties that arise. You can bask in their love and feel comfort in the knowledge that they feel the same way about you. You don't have to wonder when it's all going to fall apart. You don't have to create problems where there are none. That's my new prayer, and I'm thankful because I know God is listening.