ABWS Re-visted... The other side of the Morning After

Many of you read my post last month about the Accomplished Black Woman - Syndrome (ABW, ABWS). Many of you commented either privately or publicly (which I appreciate tremendously). A friend of mine recently read the post and wanted to add his $19.06 cents to the mix. This was done in email, and while I've agreed to keep his identity anonymous, I must share.

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FROM: ANONYMOUS



It's funny how I love the word theoretical. It actually suggests no proven base or facts. Just a fancy ass way of saying opinion, which like an asshole…everyone has one. Now I personally like fancy. I like fancy women with fancy jobs that use fancy words and acronyms to make shit seem more important that what it actually is. I guess I support ABW'S. Not to be confused with the other ABWS (Another Black Women Sobbing) Let me explain (*turning on the NE-YO and Jamie Foxx)…and this is more than just a theory. It's almost fact.

Traditionally men have been the providers while women were the nurturers. Men brought home the bacon and the women cooked it. There was this little thing called suffrage and gender equity and before you knew it, women were sitting at the table with the big dogs. And I personally am a fan. But that's not the problem…. The real issue lies in the definition of what you call accomplished. Or let me rephrase…accomplished black women doesn't always equate to good black women. Yeah I said it…

Having a good job, home, car, 401k, all that jazz might associate to you being a good catch on paper, but lets face it. If you damn near 30 and single….it might not be our fault. While I will remain anonymous, if you know me then you know there is nothing more I want to be that a stay at home dad. Not a lazy negro on the couch, but a responsible father who is there for his children. I support the career minded women who are making strides and betting herself and still want a family. If these self called ABW's are having a hard time securing a mate for the future, then maybe…just maybe…its not about you being accomplished, but how your accomplished ass acts. Darwin or whoever tells us that a man is going to be a man and a woman is going to be a woman. You cant shake these undeniable facts of our genotype. We have an instinct to be providers, and what happens is you scream equal but get mad when we put you on the equal playing field. You cant ask for a little, it all comes with it. If you want a brotha to open the door for you and such, don't make claims and act like you can do it yourself. Confidence exudes through pores like pheromones, and we can tell when women have it. Not a bad thing…I'm just saying…be aware that acting like you don't need a man but for dick…well…that's all you might get. Dick.


Before I go, I'll take some questions. You in the front row…

Q: Are you intimidated by the success of the ABW?
A: Ummm…not at all. I love a woman who can get her own. It's less I have to buy. We can focus on more intimacy issues than what I bought you for valentines day.

Q: Are they resentful that the ABW doesn't "need" you?
A: I wouldn't want a women to "need" me for anything. That's not how you survive in this world. And for the record, unless she likes girls. she 's going to need me or one of my kind eventually.

Q: Do you see the ABW as more of a peer that doesn't require the same time, attention and affection as a woman that wants to be spoiled?
A: All women want to be spoiled. All women want a ring. No exceptions. Next question.

If I offended anyone, my deepest and sincerest apologies. I meant no malice. I respect a woman who has the balls for lack of a better word to stand up for herself and be independent. But then again…who wants a woman with balls.



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I won't say much, but I will add two comments of note.

1. The Behavior of an ABW: In the original post, I did cite a difference between the Accomplished Black Woman (ABW) and the Accomplished Black B* (ABB, rhymes with witch you put it together). The men that have responded seemed to have overlooked this. The ABW I refer to wouldn't be classified as this latter category . None of us claim we don't need a man for anything except, you know. We often do thoughtful things that come with and without a price tag for the man in our life. I consider myself to be and ABW and I don't think any of those that have responded would say I behave in the way described above, or fall into the ABB category. So, let's move on...


2. The ABW's Hero and SHEro: One of the most unspoken truths about Barack Obama is that he openly and often professes his love and admiration for his ABW - Michelle. She is awesome, by any standard. The Epitome of the Accomplished Black Woman. A role model to me, and countless others... But do you see the way he looks at her? There is nothing resembling the tone of the above statement. No cynicism, no indignation. He has an appreciation for the woman he won (and yes, he had to fight for her). But he was confident enough in himself, and interested enough in her to face any challenge she put forth. Now, there are few people who would question her support and unwavering love for him. When he won the election, and gave praise to her - his best friend for the last 16 years, the rock of the family, the love of his life - women, ABW's around the world shouted and cried for joy. I was out and it was, by far, the point that received the loudest reaction from the crowd. Why, do you ask? Because, it just isn't every day that you encounter a man, a woman, a relationship, a marriage like that. Michelle was almost 30 when they were married... do you still stand by your sugar coated indictment, "If you damn near 30 and single….it might not be our fault," anonymous? Maybe, just maybe, my post offered more than just a "fancy ass way of [giving my] opinion."

Actually, I must thank you Anonymous, for allowing me the opportunity.

The Morning After...

Last night I went to sleep, unable to keep my eyes open any longer, unable to listen to the radio or tv shows... I slept so hard. There were no dreams, just sleep. I rested. I woke up to Donnie Simpson's radio show talking about how proud they were. I hadn't forgotten, but I got warm again. My eyes watered and I smiled.

The world has been watching our country for a long time know, wondering if America could and would see beyond color and elect an intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate, open-minded, influential, spiritual and driven man to its highest office. The world celebrated with so many of us late into the night and morning.

I did several things I've never done before during this campaign. I talked about my views clearly and without reservation to any and everyone. I donated money on multiple occasions. I stood in line for hours to see him speak in person. I volunteered at a campaign headquarters. I didn't stay in the house to watch history, I went out and watched among a large extended family, united in a meaningful way. I cried and hugged strangers. I drove home honking through the streets with hundreds of other people doing the same. I felt full with the appreciation of what just occurred. What makes it even sweeter is I was able to share the moment with so many people I love and care for as well.

This represents so much, means so much to me. Sometimes I feel like I've been born into the wrong generation. I often prefer the music of the 60's to what I hear today. I'm extraordinarily content with people 30-40 years my senior. I have always been so heartbroken by the struggle that my people went through in this country, from slavery to Jim Crow, to the Civil Rights movement... Books, pictures, articles and movies I've seen have been burned into my soul and I can't forget. I am and have been motivated to "do something", anything to make a difference. I am sometimes guilty as referring to young people today (my generation and younger) as being apathetic. As a lost group that doesn't care about our history, or improving the lives of others. I have been saddened to learn that friends and associates of mine didn't vote during the Bush elections, even in Pennsylvania, a critical state. I have been angered by crass comments made about things I've considered real issues. This campaign has given me a reason not to be so critical. Sometimes it takes something strong to break through apathy and energize a people. A force so positive and true, that it cannot be denied. I'm so proud of my generation today. We stood in line for hours together, we donated hundreds and thousands of dollars, we made calls and canvassed, we celebrated peacefully together.

There is no pill that can be taken to erase what has happened in the last 24 hours. Many people do not feel the way I feel this morning. They are in a state of disbelief, or anger, or fear. They woke up hoping that it was a dream, but it's real. What's so awesome is that I truly believe our president is the type of man who will reach out to those he has yet to win over and be a wonderful president for them too. A man of his word.

I am so proud to be an American, a Black American. We have come so far and we must keep this passion and excitement going. This is the time for us to stand together and make a lasting impact on our society and our country. This is a time for all of us to take pride, but not to take it for granted. We have a tremendous amount of work to do.

President-Elect, Barack Obama.

Wow.