First Sunday

I've always considered myself spiritual, but not necessarily religious. Going back to my circles, I didn't mention spirituality outright, but my beliefs guide my actions, and the way I feel about my actions.

My religious background is full of experiences with Christianity, Judaism and Islam. My family is religiously diverse, and I have spent time with and been exposed to a variety of beliefs. Church on Saturday (yes we called it church, not synagogue), bible study and service on Sunday, and daily prayers (salat).

My parents never forced a particular religion on me, and I was very open to my experiences. I wasn't a regular anywhere, but I was comfortable with my relationship with God. When I went to college, I primarily attended a baptist church and I really felt at home. After moving to Rochester, I tried a few different places and settled into a non-denominational christian church. I had wonderful mentors and friends in God and I miss that.

Now back in Maryland, I don't have a church home, and haven't looked very hard. It's bad because the time I've been here has been the most stressful of my life. Family concerns, financial difficulties, multiple moves, overworked and betrayed... I've felt so unsettled and at times really down. I know my prayers aren't enough, and I haven't felt as close to God as I want and need.

Despite all of this, I know I'm blessed and I know I just need to open myself up to receive. God's been trying to tell me something; I just have to listen. On my way home from work, I pass three gas stations before getting on the highway. I always stop at the first, but for some reason, I decided to go to the second station instead. My debit card didn't work, and frustrated, I closed my tank, and drove to the third station. While pumping my gas, I noticed an older man looking at me, he had a warm smile and I smiled back. "Hello Soror," he said and as he was the elder, I made my way to him and we embraced in the usual sigma/zeta way. We chatted for a while about greek life and then he gave me his card. He was the pastor of a church in Upper Marlboro and he invited me to service. As I got in my car, I knew it was God telling me I needed to find a church home, and this could be an option. That was a few months ago, and today, the First Sunday in November, was my first time in a long time in a Maryland Church.

I didn't go to the church in Upper Marlboro. Instead I went to a small baptist church in Columbia. The service took about an hour, and although I wasn't overly touched by the message for today, I did get something out of it, and beyond that, I felt comfort. The people were very warm and open. My offering wasn't tremendous, but I wanted to give more than I planned and I felt good about it. I was the only visitor and the Pastor called my name (correct pronunciation and everything!) and welcomed me. About a dozen people came to me at the end of service and invited me back.

I drove home feeling better about life and myself. I worked really hard and finished my midterm ahead of schedule. I spoke to my grandparents for a good amount of time, and it had been a while since we last talked. I started organizing some papers and found money I didn't know I had, 7x what I gave to the church. Things for me financially have changed in the past week and it truly was a blessing to find the money.

I know it's just the beginning, and I'm getting the "I told you so," but I welcome it, and I'm looking forward to finding a church home and strengthening my relationship to God. I'm also going to be open to those God sends to help me and educate me along the way.

Kiss and Tell....

As much as I like to claim to be an open book, the truth is, when it comes to certain topics, I tend to be pretty private. See, I have concentric circles, levels if you will, that correspond to my closeness to you, and the information I'm willing to share.

Level 1 - The big picture. You get to know my interests, what I do for money (at a basic level), a bit about my family, etc.

Level 2 - Details. You know about my relationships with my family, a lot more details about my work, specifics about my interests, etc.

Level 3 - The intangibles. You get to know a decent amount about my feelings, my insecurities, my dreams, my motivation.

Level 4 - The quirks. You know what it means when I say things in a particular way, or why I'm doing something that others may not understand. You know why I prefer heels to flats even though I love sports. You know what makes me smile, cry, yell, blush...

I'd like to talk about blushing....

There is this concept of "Girl Talk" that men (and women I suppose) have. I think men enjoy the idea that the women they are with talk *positively* about them - how they treat them, what they do, how they feel... even now, I can't just out and say the intimacy part but you get the picture.

I've never really been one of these girl talkers. I rebuff any inquiries with boring responses like, "oh, everythings fine," or "yeah, I like him." That's probably why I don't tend to get into these conversations with people, not even TP2. Things are changing though, with ladies nights, and different parties, (newer) friends are talking to me about personal things, and consequently, I think I'm sharing more.

It's interesting. Not sure how I feel about it yet, but I guess it could be educational. I've already learned a few new things *smile, blush*

What do you all think about kissing and telling? If you're a guy, do you tell your boys about your interactions with women? Does it matter if you're serious about the woman or not? If you're a woman, do you brag on your man to your friends? Do you slam a guy if he's lacking in some area? What about your "Oops" experiences...

Taking the blog to Level 2.... To Be Continued