Blog Theory - ABWS - Accomplished Black Woman Syndrome

So depending on your gender as you read this, you are either really excited or you have red flags shooting up. In either case, I hope you are anxious to read on.

I've been talking to some of my friends that are ABW's (yes, I'm claiming that I've coined a new phrase) and I as I sit hear coughing and sniffing alone in bed, I think I've figured it out!

In general, people are proud. When we do important or meaningful work, we like to share it with others. We all enjoy pats on the back, we all like to beam with pride. Sometimes women keep their accomplishments to themselves on the world stage, but at home, we like to share the good we've done with those we care about. Thus ABWS.

The thought behind the theory is that men are less motivated to please an ABW than women that are "less accomplished". Eyebrows raised? Good. Let's dig a bit deeper. Have you heard a group of guys talking about independent women and how things are "equal" now? The theory follows that "equal" is code for:

- She needs to foot a couple of dinners (half preferred)
- She shouldn't expect me to rush to open doors
- She should get me gifts when she goes somewhere
- She doesn't need me to whisper sweet nothings

You get the picture. Equal becomes an excuse to behave badly. Yeah, I said it. Chivalry is dead for the ABW. Since she can take care of herself, there is an expectation for her to do just that. These are also the same men that blast women (often behind their backs) who are vocal about their desire for a man to step up and take care of them. These men claim they want that independent woman, that ABW, but when the opportunity presents itself to have an ABW, they can't perform.

To test my theory, I think I'll attempt to meet a guy and not share any accomplished details about myself. Sure I went to school and finished. I have an average job at the University. I live at home with my mother. Nothing about what my degree was in, what I'm in school for now, my accurate career profile, my home owner history. Other than that, I'll be my sweet self and we'll see what happens. My hypothesis is that this random guy will call me frequently wanting to take me out to a variety of places; never bring up how men and women are "equal" because he doesn't expect me to do those things; he will court me, adore me and end up proposing! (LOL, had to add it in).

Don't get me wrong, you have to write with a strong point of your to get your message across, but I know there are many men who would really appreciate their ABW and treat them like a queen. I can give an example close to home of my Aunt K who was swept off her feet by a persistent man that loved the fact she was an ABW. Plenty of them are out here.... but... it is the experience of my ABW friends that I speak to and say that there are also plenty of guys that can't handle an ABW.

This raises the question of why? Are they intimidated by the success of the ABW? Are they resentful that the ABW doesn't "need" them? Have they been scorned by an ABB and do they hold it against ABW's (you can figure that one out)? Do they see the ABW as more of a peer that doesn't require the same time, attention and affection as a woman that wants to be spoiled?

I'm open to your thoughts. Comment Away! Oh, and subscribe to my blog!!! (upper right corner)

AJ