So depending on your gender as you read this, you are either really excited or you have red flags shooting up. In either case, I hope you are anxious to read on.
I've been talking to some of my friends that are ABW's (yes, I'm claiming that I've coined a new phrase) and I as I sit hear coughing and sniffing alone in bed, I think I've figured it out!
In general, people are proud. When we do important or meaningful work, we like to share it with others. We all enjoy pats on the back, we all like to beam with pride. Sometimes women keep their accomplishments to themselves on the world stage, but at home, we like to share the good we've done with those we care about. Thus ABWS.
The thought behind the theory is that men are less motivated to please an ABW than women that are "less accomplished". Eyebrows raised? Good. Let's dig a bit deeper. Have you heard a group of guys talking about independent women and how things are "equal" now? The theory follows that "equal" is code for:
- She needs to foot a couple of dinners (half preferred)
- She shouldn't expect me to rush to open doors
- She should get me gifts when she goes somewhere
- She doesn't need me to whisper sweet nothings
You get the picture. Equal becomes an excuse to behave badly. Yeah, I said it. Chivalry is dead for the ABW. Since she can take care of herself, there is an expectation for her to do just that. These are also the same men that blast women (often behind their backs) who are vocal about their desire for a man to step up and take care of them. These men claim they want that independent woman, that ABW, but when the opportunity presents itself to have an ABW, they can't perform.
To test my theory, I think I'll attempt to meet a guy and not share any accomplished details about myself. Sure I went to school and finished. I have an average job at the University. I live at home with my mother. Nothing about what my degree was in, what I'm in school for now, my accurate career profile, my home owner history. Other than that, I'll be my sweet self and we'll see what happens. My hypothesis is that this random guy will call me frequently wanting to take me out to a variety of places; never bring up how men and women are "equal" because he doesn't expect me to do those things; he will court me, adore me and end up proposing! (LOL, had to add it in).
Don't get me wrong, you have to write with a strong point of your to get your message across, but I know there are many men who would really appreciate their ABW and treat them like a queen. I can give an example close to home of my Aunt K who was swept off her feet by a persistent man that loved the fact she was an ABW. Plenty of them are out here.... but... it is the experience of my ABW friends that I speak to and say that there are also plenty of guys that can't handle an ABW.
This raises the question of why? Are they intimidated by the success of the ABW? Are they resentful that the ABW doesn't "need" them? Have they been scorned by an ABB and do they hold it against ABW's (you can figure that one out)? Do they see the ABW as more of a peer that doesn't require the same time, attention and affection as a woman that wants to be spoiled?
I'm open to your thoughts. Comment Away! Oh, and subscribe to my blog!!! (upper right corner)
AJ
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3 comments:
Men are prideful creatures that need to be needed. Alot of times ABWs are so full of themselves that men dont want to waste the time. Its hard enough being an ABM in this world, you dont want to have to deal w/an OverABW who truly acts like she is ABW. However, you are correct in some of your reasons why men are reluctant to go after a ABW. However, there are just as many men that would prefer to have ABW, me being one (you can always accomplish more with two and quality of life will be better), as there are those that oppose. As a man, when looking for a woman, you find what find b/c you look where you look. For women its the same If you want a FB you know where to find them, if you want something serious you know where to find them too! Also, as a man you know the majority of the time you meet a woman, a lot of the time she will not be a ABW because one, ABW have an agenda they are not just out to be out, they have a purpose, and two there are just not that many ABWs anyhow. When you are fortunate enough to find one they are usually already in a situation with someone. Men end up settling for whatever piece of scattered a-- that is available that shows some interest. Men get used to these type of easy women and the way they are. When a "Super Woman" does come along we are mentally stuck b/c of being used to dealing with the "McNutties" of the world we cant adapt quickly enough to keep a ABWs attention. There will always be those men that just dont like ABWs b/c of their beliefs, there is no changing that. Here is some food for thought to help ABWs along the way. The same way you want your man to make you feel like a woman, men require the same. Let him feel like a man sometime. For example,...yeah, I know as an ABW when you are sick you know how to get yourself well, but when you are sick let your guard down a little and let your man be in charge of getting you well. You will get to see another side of him and it will make him feel good. You will feel good b/c you are well and everyone is happy. Or if he just wants to do something for you in general, let him do it for you, it does not make you any less of a ABW to depend on him to some degree. I heard Loveta Alize Jenkins Robinson tell Principle Regina Greer this on the Steve Harvey Show,funny but has relevance, she said..."its ok to be a strong woman in a relationship with your man, but sometimes being a strong woman is being strong enough to let your man be a man" Think about it!
AM a.k.a. ABM
AM, thanks for the comment. I must disagree though with an early assertion -
"Alot of times ABWs are so full of themselves that men dont want to waste the time. Its hard enough being an ABM in this world, you dont want to have to deal w/an OverABW who truly acts like she is ABW."
I call this type of woman the ABB, check the post. There are certainly women who are arrogant, boastful, and look down on men until they "step up" and prove themselves. Unfortunately, one bad experience with an ABB can taint a man's view about an ABW without knowing anything else about her.
It's perception.
It's a false perception.
I also am not saying that men don't date ABW's, what I am saying is that the treatment is different. Courtship is replaced with an expectant eye that you carry the "fair share" that you can afford to, as opposed to "let me make you feel special".
This is NOT all men.
But it is some. Last thing I want to say is I was sick last week and I CERTAINLY would appreciate a man that wanted to take care of me, ABW or not. I'd show it too! *smile*
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