or is it....
I've tried to write this blog three times now and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to write it. It's the holiday season, my favorite time of the year, and yet as I look around, people aren't in the spirit.
There are a lot of reasons... and many are good ones.
People are experiencing difficult, life changing events and it's hard to be upbeat. I understand. I've always looked at the holidays as a time to be grateful and to show appreciation. To love and be loved. To give and be open to receive. When people and things are taken away from us, it is especially difficult to do these things. We spend time trying to deal with our feelings, and understand our losses. Often times we try to shoulder the burden alone.
This year I'm compelled to give more with fewer resources. To do more with less time. I've tried to be thoughtful and to show those I care about how much they mean to me. I'm hoping that the little tokens I've been able to (and will be) sharing will at least bring a smile to their faces and a little warmth to their hearts. Hopefully that paired with my prayers will make a difference.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Freedom
It's amazing the way you feel when you free yourself from the expectations of others, the unreasonable expectations you have for yourself and just allow yourself to do the things that you have been directed to do by God, and the things that you know are in your best health, happiness and spiritual interests. I'm just talking the little things.
You feel much lighter.
Your spirit begins to smile again.
Sometimes it takes being completely honest with yourself. Taking a long look at who you are, acknowledging your flaws and accepting your beauty. Sometimes it takes being vulnerable and opening yourself up criticism. Sometimes its allowing yourself to believe the compliments of others are spoken with sincerity. Sometimes...
There's a full moon out tonight. I've always loved looking at a full moon. It sits up there in stark contrast to it's surroundings. So bright and bold. I could stare at it forever, watching the clouds pass it over until the sun rises.
Have you ever felt a blessing coming... A series of things happen, and you just know you are a moment away from a tremendous blessing. It's almost overwhelming to imagine what's in store for you and those you love. I've felt chills (and not just because I had no heat in the office today), I've felt like I've been wrapped in a warm embrace. My eyes have welled more than once in the joy of anticipation. I'm excited...
I just wanted to share it
You feel much lighter.
Your spirit begins to smile again.
Sometimes it takes being completely honest with yourself. Taking a long look at who you are, acknowledging your flaws and accepting your beauty. Sometimes it takes being vulnerable and opening yourself up criticism. Sometimes its allowing yourself to believe the compliments of others are spoken with sincerity. Sometimes...
There's a full moon out tonight. I've always loved looking at a full moon. It sits up there in stark contrast to it's surroundings. So bright and bold. I could stare at it forever, watching the clouds pass it over until the sun rises.
Have you ever felt a blessing coming... A series of things happen, and you just know you are a moment away from a tremendous blessing. It's almost overwhelming to imagine what's in store for you and those you love. I've felt chills (and not just because I had no heat in the office today), I've felt like I've been wrapped in a warm embrace. My eyes have welled more than once in the joy of anticipation. I'm excited...
I just wanted to share it
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Random.... very.
Have you ever looked someone in the eyes as they were about to start crying?
At first, nothing happens...
you look at them and they look back at you.
Then the surface of the eye gets a slight shine.
A thin clear coating.
The lower lid begins to collect the fluid. A thin brim lining better than any MAC product...
except it's transparent.
Nothing falls.
Staring intently you can see the liquid pooling in the corners, not a lot... just a little. Then it becomes hard to see.
They resist the urge but blink anyway. Then it's clear again.
There is time before the first tear falls, so take a moment and look over how the rest of the face is reacting. The nose has a slight sheen, perspiration no doubt, but you can imagine they aren't feeling warm. Cheeks slightly discolored.. in this case a flush. The skin directly under the eyes were swelling and growing darker. Mouth held tightly, undoubtedly trying to maintain control. Then back to the eyes. The pupils are changing in size as you move in to take a closer look. This close you can see the random flecks of color in the iris. It's actually quite beautiful. The last blink seemed to make the lashes dewy. A couple were stuck together but for the most part you wouldn't notice unless you were this close....
I never saw the tear actually fall. Perhaps because I was looking it couldn't...
I didn't feel very good last night. There was no tangible reason. Nothing happened during the day to upset me. I just felt unhappy. I felt like I was going to cry. I think I wanted to, so I stood in the mirror and I waited. As I waited I looked myself over and wonder why I wasn't satisfied. Why was I so critical of myself. Even of those I care about, but nothing is quite like the self criticism.
As I looked, I saw the physical imperfections that have bothered me over the years. I wondered why these traits overpowered my view when I looked in the mirror. In the past, I allowed myself to give a lot of credit to anyone who pointed it out, but no... it's my doing. If anyone else were to point out similar things in themselves, I would tell them "it's your uniqueness that makes you beautiful..." I haven't internalized that for myself.
I left the mirror and sat on the bed. I wanted to sleep but there was a paper to write. I moved to the chair, sat down, and reviewed the 6 pages of notes I'd take to write a 2 page paper. I went through the case reading multiple times. I reworded, rephrased, removed ideas and concepts...
I'm a perfectionist and I look at everything through extremely critical eyes. I'm hard on my work, myself... perhaps those closest to me in my family. Even now as I write, this entire blog seems kind of harsh. I believe in honesty and continuous improvement. I hold myself to these standards... perhaps sadness comes at the realization that I'm not perfect and I won't be because there is no such thing.
I know that I'm "perfect as I am" but again, I don't quite buy that deep down. I know I can be better. I can be kinder, more helpful, more knowledgeable, more spiritual, more pleasant... I can make better grades, better programs, better decisions... I can treat myself and others better.. This is my drive. I can see it's a cycle though...
*sigh*
At first, nothing happens...
you look at them and they look back at you.
Then the surface of the eye gets a slight shine.
A thin clear coating.
The lower lid begins to collect the fluid. A thin brim lining better than any MAC product...
except it's transparent.
Nothing falls.
Staring intently you can see the liquid pooling in the corners, not a lot... just a little. Then it becomes hard to see.
They resist the urge but blink anyway. Then it's clear again.
There is time before the first tear falls, so take a moment and look over how the rest of the face is reacting. The nose has a slight sheen, perspiration no doubt, but you can imagine they aren't feeling warm. Cheeks slightly discolored.. in this case a flush. The skin directly under the eyes were swelling and growing darker. Mouth held tightly, undoubtedly trying to maintain control. Then back to the eyes. The pupils are changing in size as you move in to take a closer look. This close you can see the random flecks of color in the iris. It's actually quite beautiful. The last blink seemed to make the lashes dewy. A couple were stuck together but for the most part you wouldn't notice unless you were this close....
I never saw the tear actually fall. Perhaps because I was looking it couldn't...
I didn't feel very good last night. There was no tangible reason. Nothing happened during the day to upset me. I just felt unhappy. I felt like I was going to cry. I think I wanted to, so I stood in the mirror and I waited. As I waited I looked myself over and wonder why I wasn't satisfied. Why was I so critical of myself. Even of those I care about, but nothing is quite like the self criticism.
As I looked, I saw the physical imperfections that have bothered me over the years. I wondered why these traits overpowered my view when I looked in the mirror. In the past, I allowed myself to give a lot of credit to anyone who pointed it out, but no... it's my doing. If anyone else were to point out similar things in themselves, I would tell them "it's your uniqueness that makes you beautiful..." I haven't internalized that for myself.
I left the mirror and sat on the bed. I wanted to sleep but there was a paper to write. I moved to the chair, sat down, and reviewed the 6 pages of notes I'd take to write a 2 page paper. I went through the case reading multiple times. I reworded, rephrased, removed ideas and concepts...
I'm a perfectionist and I look at everything through extremely critical eyes. I'm hard on my work, myself... perhaps those closest to me in my family. Even now as I write, this entire blog seems kind of harsh. I believe in honesty and continuous improvement. I hold myself to these standards... perhaps sadness comes at the realization that I'm not perfect and I won't be because there is no such thing.
I know that I'm "perfect as I am" but again, I don't quite buy that deep down. I know I can be better. I can be kinder, more helpful, more knowledgeable, more spiritual, more pleasant... I can make better grades, better programs, better decisions... I can treat myself and others better.. This is my drive. I can see it's a cycle though...
*sigh*
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Starting my resolutions a month early...
It's December and the New Year is upon us. I find that the New Year is a time when lots of people say things that they don't really mean or aren't that motivated to do and call them resolutions:
- This is the year I'm going to exercise regularly and eat right
- I'm going to do better at work so I can be promoted
- I'm going to show my spouse I appreciate them more
- I'm going to travel the world!
I've never really been one for making resolutions, but this year I have to make an exception. It hit me Monday, December 1st, that I had the opportunity to set my resolutions now (they say it takes 21 -30 days to form a habit), so I can carry them through 2009. I was really excited about the prospect of making real change in my life, and I wanted it to be meaningful. I'd planned to write about personal reflection last week, but instead I think it makes since to think about my 2009 resolutions with respect to myself and what I want to change in my life.
What I'm hoping is that by blogging my resolutions, I am creating accountability for myself. I'm hoping some of you will call me to task if I slip. This is my way of being open and somewhat vulnerable (novel right)... Anyway, here we go:
Personal Reflection 1:
I'm good when I'm good and bad when I'm bad. At my best, I'm fun-seeking and loving, I'm productive, I beam with joy, I'm healthy, some might say I'm pretty awesome and I can make others smile. At my worst I'm grumpy, aloof, cold, sharp-tongued and can make others unhappy. My mood fluctuates more than I like; they are more impacted by people and situations that I really care about or how I happen to feel about myself on a particular day.
- This is the year I'm going to exercise regularly and eat right
- I'm going to do better at work so I can be promoted
- I'm going to show my spouse I appreciate them more
- I'm going to travel the world!
I've never really been one for making resolutions, but this year I have to make an exception. It hit me Monday, December 1st, that I had the opportunity to set my resolutions now (they say it takes 21 -30 days to form a habit), so I can carry them through 2009. I was really excited about the prospect of making real change in my life, and I wanted it to be meaningful. I'd planned to write about personal reflection last week, but instead I think it makes since to think about my 2009 resolutions with respect to myself and what I want to change in my life.
What I'm hoping is that by blogging my resolutions, I am creating accountability for myself. I'm hoping some of you will call me to task if I slip. This is my way of being open and somewhat vulnerable (novel right)... Anyway, here we go:
Personal Reflection 1:
I'm good when I'm good and bad when I'm bad. At my best, I'm fun-seeking and loving, I'm productive, I beam with joy, I'm healthy, some might say I'm pretty awesome and I can make others smile. At my worst I'm grumpy, aloof, cold, sharp-tongued and can make others unhappy. My mood fluctuates more than I like; they are more impacted by people and situations that I really care about or how I happen to feel about myself on a particular day.
Some of this is because I need to be centered. When I feel unsettled, I tend to be more sensitive. Some of this is self-doubt. Some of this is a lack of creative and physical outlets. Some of this is due to having relationships with people that don't add value to my life. Everyone's heard that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. At times I think I try to convert Reasons into Seasons, and Season's into Lifetimes.
Personal Reflection 2:
Part of my feeling unsettled is self-inflicted. I've chosen not to get comfortable with things like my job(s) and living arrangements. As a result, I don't fully accept being "there", I hold things back, I never make the spaces my own and I'm somewhat disorganized. Settled looks a certain way to me. It was the career that I enjoyed and paid well. It was the family and the house that I bought with my husband. It meant I was where I would be for a significant period of time.
I'm not sure when that happened. In high school I loved my job at Baskin Robbins and didn't hold back anything. I was rewarded with customer tips and increased responsibilities at a really young age. In college I painted designs on the walls of my dorm room, even though I knew I'd have to repaint them white every April. I had pictures everywhere, a small rug, and lot's of little things that screamed Lanie! In Rochester I went through periods of doing this, and back in Baltimore it's been slim to none.
Personal Reflection 3:
As important as relationships and communication are to me in theory, I still don't consider myself that good in practice. I love my family, they mean so much to me, but I don't necessarily show them or communicate that as much as I should. I've said in the past that they could reach out too, but I recognize if it's something I want, then it's something I must do. The same goes with friends, and sorors. I'm not a big phone person which limits some potential friendships, and even though I'm compassionate, I'm not always thoughtful. My brain doesn't naturally keep details about what's going on in peoples lives and remind me to ask about them later. Someone can talk to me for 15 minutes about something important to them, and while I give feedback and support at the time, the next day or week, I don't think to ask. I'll either remember way late, or hear someone else ask, and then I feel like an arse.
Personal Reflection 4:
I ignore some of the basics that a woman like me probably needs to embrace. I'm not the neatest, I don't cook regularly, I don't consistently partake in hobbies or hang with girlfriends and I don't pay that much attention to how I look on any particular day. Why would a "woman like me" want to embrace these things? Because one day I'd like to get married, and as much as a lot of us single ladies hate to admit it, they're important.
Yeah I can clean... but it's not my favorite thing, and I tend to take a long time so called "doing it right." Yeah I can cook... no really, I can, but I usually don't opting for something quick or letting my mom do the cooking. Yes, there are things I love to do; play sports, paint, write, dance.. but I haven't gotten back to do any of those things regularly. Girlfriends are important. I'll leave it at that. And how you look is important. I use lack of time as an excuse for not doing all of these things, and for what I want, that's really unacceptable.
Personal Reflection 5:
KNOW GOD. I'd leave it there with a "nuff said," but just to elaborate, I do have a relationship with God, but I need and want it to be much stronger. It's the key to having success in dealing with anything I've already mentioned and everything that I haven't.
- - -
Resolution 1:
I will take part in some type of physical activity each week (hit the gym, go out dancing, join a sports league.. something!)
Resolution 2:
I will do something creative once a month (paint and finish a picture, read a book, sew something I designed etc)
Resolution 3:
I will separate myself from people and situations that don't bring out the best in me ("Reasons and Seasons" past their time, doing things that aren't really necessary that don't make me happy, etc)
Resolution 4:
I will decorate my office and my room in a way that reflects me by February.
Resolution 5:
I will use my Franklin Covey daily to account for work schedules and information, design standard templates for myself at work, and use them.
Resolution 6:
I will add birthdays and schedule calls and visits with family and friends in my Franklin Covey and stick to it! If necessary, I will also record key notes to follow up on. (sounds contrived, but I have to start somewhere)
Resolution 7:
I will effectively communicate my thoughts and feelings, both good and bad, with controlled emotion and understanding of the perspective of others.
Resolution 8:
I will domesticate myself (to a degree). I will cook at least one dinner meal per week with a goal of 2 per week by June 2009 and 3 per week by December 2009. (Sounds easy but class twice a week until 10pm is serious) Serious house cleaning will be done once per month with daily and weekly upkeep (unprompted by guests) as appropriate (laundry, bathrooms, dishes etc)
Resolution 9:
I will pull out what I'm wearing the night before, and take the time to notice the details each day.
Resolution 10:
Spiritual Growth: Find a church home by February 2009 that really is a good fit. Identify and embrace spiritual mentors and interact with them at least on a weekly basis. Testify.
- - -
It's a little overwhelming, but into the 3rd day of December, I've already started working on some of my resolutions. Some of them will definitely put me to the test, but I have faith that I can do what I've set out to do. Wish me luck and support is always welcomed.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Pain...
There are some pains that no one else can understand... pains that you alone feel.
Losing a child... losing a spouse... losing a sibling... losing a parent. Even if you've experienced a loss like this, it is very difficult to put yourself in the shoes of someone who is enduring that pain now.
Someone I care about deeply lost their mother yesterday. I cannot begin to feel that pain. I felt utter sadness and helplessness. I was there to help with logistics, to hug and hold, to listen... but I know it wasn't enough. There wasn't anything I could really do... there was no "better".
When I was alone, I got on my knees and I prayed. I asked God to provide comfort, to wrap him in his arms and help him find peace. I asked God to give him strength, and to help shoulder the burden that would be placed at home. I prayed that I would serve as a support, and that I would only say and do things that would provide comfort. I also prayed that God would allow the connection between mother and child to remain beyond life here... They were so close.
I then went back, and we prayed together. I felt like my words were shallow... but I hoped that they were received in the way I intended...
Thanksgiving is this week. It's the time when we make a concerted effort to thank God for our blessings, our loved ones... We are more aware of our joys and pains. I'll continue to pray for him and his family, and that I can be a useful support... I will also pray that God work on me to be a better friend, (grand)daughter, sister, cousin, classmate, employee, American, person...
I know he has wonderful memories with his mother that he can hold now. I know she is proud of the man she raised. I know he admired her more than anyone. I know she will always be with him. Please make sure that you let those you love know it. Time is not promised to any of us, we must do our best with the time we've been given.
I wish I had more words...
just more...
Losing a child... losing a spouse... losing a sibling... losing a parent. Even if you've experienced a loss like this, it is very difficult to put yourself in the shoes of someone who is enduring that pain now.
Someone I care about deeply lost their mother yesterday. I cannot begin to feel that pain. I felt utter sadness and helplessness. I was there to help with logistics, to hug and hold, to listen... but I know it wasn't enough. There wasn't anything I could really do... there was no "better".
When I was alone, I got on my knees and I prayed. I asked God to provide comfort, to wrap him in his arms and help him find peace. I asked God to give him strength, and to help shoulder the burden that would be placed at home. I prayed that I would serve as a support, and that I would only say and do things that would provide comfort. I also prayed that God would allow the connection between mother and child to remain beyond life here... They were so close.
I then went back, and we prayed together. I felt like my words were shallow... but I hoped that they were received in the way I intended...
Thanksgiving is this week. It's the time when we make a concerted effort to thank God for our blessings, our loved ones... We are more aware of our joys and pains. I'll continue to pray for him and his family, and that I can be a useful support... I will also pray that God work on me to be a better friend, (grand)daughter, sister, cousin, classmate, employee, American, person...
I know he has wonderful memories with his mother that he can hold now. I know she is proud of the man she raised. I know he admired her more than anyone. I know she will always be with him. Please make sure that you let those you love know it. Time is not promised to any of us, we must do our best with the time we've been given.
I wish I had more words...
just more...
Monday, November 17, 2008
Comparing and contrasting former "loves"
I was talking to a relatively new friend of mine last week and he (being a tad bit nosy) asked what was different between my current significant other and the last bloke. If you know me well, you know that my last relationship was, in a word, bad... so it shouldn't be surprising that the new guy has a few things up on the old. His question made me do some reflection though, going back to my first boyfriend, on what the subsequent guy possessed (or didn't).
I haven't had a lot of titled "boyfriends," and actually some of the relationships I've considered most substantial went unlabeled. This compare/contrast concept is actually interesting. For example:
BF 1 to Unlabeled 1
My high school sweetheart and I got along well. He treated me wonderfully, and I never questioned him or his feelings. He was my first love, we were just young. After we broke up, I fell hard for a guy who's feelings I had to question constantly, and who didn't treat me that well. I tried to wait him out, but in the end I got tired of waiting and there wasn't anything he could do to change my mind. He did try though and it's actually one of the things I admire most about him now.
Unlabeled 2 to BF 2 to BF 3
After college, I dated a guy I had a big crush on while I was in school. We re-met a few years later, became friends and eventually began dating. He was what you might describe as the total package, but what I liked best was I could be myself, what I perceived to be my best self around him and he accepted me for me. I knew he was a commitment-phobe and so I never pushed for an official relationship, I just enjoyed his company. It ended on what's best described as a technicality, but we are still friends.
The boyfriend that followed was different from guys I dated before and could best be described as "simple". Nice looking guy, but kind of sheltered and not the sharpest. He was well meaning and tried really hard to be pleasing (too hard), but couldn't hold a conversation about anything outside his realm. Anything but a commitment-phobe, this guy was ready to propose after 6 months, and our relationship ended because it shouldn't have started.
The boyfriend after that was very sharp and we could always talk, but he lacked a sense of humor, passion and a number of other things. I knew him for over half my life, so my expectations were high but the experience was beyond disappointing.
Over the last 10+ years of my dating life, it does look like I have been attracted to people that were fundamentally different from their predecessor, and not always in a good way. Some people stick to a particular type of person - looks, temperament, intelligence... I seem to have gone the opposite direction. If you do an evaluation of your past loves, what do you come up with?
Is there a particular person that you use as a standard for anyone else that you date? If so, why aren't you with that person?
I haven't had a lot of titled "boyfriends," and actually some of the relationships I've considered most substantial went unlabeled. This compare/contrast concept is actually interesting. For example:
BF 1 to Unlabeled 1
My high school sweetheart and I got along well. He treated me wonderfully, and I never questioned him or his feelings. He was my first love, we were just young. After we broke up, I fell hard for a guy who's feelings I had to question constantly, and who didn't treat me that well. I tried to wait him out, but in the end I got tired of waiting and there wasn't anything he could do to change my mind. He did try though and it's actually one of the things I admire most about him now.
Unlabeled 2 to BF 2 to BF 3
After college, I dated a guy I had a big crush on while I was in school. We re-met a few years later, became friends and eventually began dating. He was what you might describe as the total package, but what I liked best was I could be myself, what I perceived to be my best self around him and he accepted me for me. I knew he was a commitment-phobe and so I never pushed for an official relationship, I just enjoyed his company. It ended on what's best described as a technicality, but we are still friends.
The boyfriend that followed was different from guys I dated before and could best be described as "simple". Nice looking guy, but kind of sheltered and not the sharpest. He was well meaning and tried really hard to be pleasing (too hard), but couldn't hold a conversation about anything outside his realm. Anything but a commitment-phobe, this guy was ready to propose after 6 months, and our relationship ended because it shouldn't have started.
The boyfriend after that was very sharp and we could always talk, but he lacked a sense of humor, passion and a number of other things. I knew him for over half my life, so my expectations were high but the experience was beyond disappointing.
Over the last 10+ years of my dating life, it does look like I have been attracted to people that were fundamentally different from their predecessor, and not always in a good way. Some people stick to a particular type of person - looks, temperament, intelligence... I seem to have gone the opposite direction. If you do an evaluation of your past loves, what do you come up with?
Is there a particular person that you use as a standard for anyone else that you date? If so, why aren't you with that person?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
ABWS Re-visted... The other side of the Morning After
Many of you read my post last month about the Accomplished Black Woman - Syndrome (ABW, ABWS). Many of you commented either privately or publicly (which I appreciate tremendously). A friend of mine recently read the post and wanted to add his $19.06 cents to the mix. This was done in email, and while I've agreed to keep his identity anonymous, I must share.
- - -
FROM: ANONYMOUS
It's funny how I love the word theoretical. It actually suggests no proven base or facts. Just a fancy ass way of saying opinion, which like an asshole…everyone has one. Now I personally like fancy. I like fancy women with fancy jobs that use fancy words and acronyms to make shit seem more important that what it actually is. I guess I support ABW'S. Not to be confused with the other ABWS (Another Black Women Sobbing) Let me explain (*turning on the NE-YO and Jamie Foxx)…and this is more than just a theory. It's almost fact.
Traditionally men have been the providers while women were the nurturers. Men brought home the bacon and the women cooked it. There was this little thing called suffrage and gender equity and before you knew it, women were sitting at the table with the big dogs. And I personally am a fan. But that's not the problem…. The real issue lies in the definition of what you call accomplished. Or let me rephrase…accomplished black women doesn't always equate to good black women. Yeah I said it…
Having a good job, home, car, 401k, all that jazz might associate to you being a good catch on paper, but lets face it. If you damn near 30 and single….it might not be our fault. While I will remain anonymous, if you know me then you know there is nothing more I want to be that a stay at home dad. Not a lazy negro on the couch, but a responsible father who is there for his children. I support the career minded women who are making strides and betting herself and still want a family. If these self called ABW's are having a hard time securing a mate for the future, then maybe…just maybe…its not about you being accomplished, but how your accomplished ass acts. Darwin or whoever tells us that a man is going to be a man and a woman is going to be a woman. You cant shake these undeniable facts of our genotype. We have an instinct to be providers, and what happens is you scream equal but get mad when we put you on the equal playing field. You cant ask for a little, it all comes with it. If you want a brotha to open the door for you and such, don't make claims and act like you can do it yourself. Confidence exudes through pores like pheromones, and we can tell when women have it. Not a bad thing…I'm just saying…be aware that acting like you don't need a man but for dick…well…that's all you might get. Dick.
Before I go, I'll take some questions. You in the front row…
Q: Are you intimidated by the success of the ABW?
A: Ummm…not at all. I love a woman who can get her own. It's less I have to buy. We can focus on more intimacy issues than what I bought you for valentines day.
Q: Are they resentful that the ABW doesn't "need" you?
A: I wouldn't want a women to "need" me for anything. That's not how you survive in this world. And for the record, unless she likes girls. she 's going to need me or one of my kind eventually.
Q: Do you see the ABW as more of a peer that doesn't require the same time, attention and affection as a woman that wants to be spoiled?
A: All women want to be spoiled. All women want a ring. No exceptions. Next question.
If I offended anyone, my deepest and sincerest apologies. I meant no malice. I respect a woman who has the balls for lack of a better word to stand up for herself and be independent. But then again…who wants a woman with balls.
- - -
I won't say much, but I will add two comments of note.
- - -
FROM: ANONYMOUS
It's funny how I love the word theoretical. It actually suggests no proven base or facts. Just a fancy ass way of saying opinion, which like an asshole…everyone has one. Now I personally like fancy. I like fancy women with fancy jobs that use fancy words and acronyms to make shit seem more important that what it actually is. I guess I support ABW'S. Not to be confused with the other ABWS (Another Black Women Sobbing) Let me explain (*turning on the NE-YO and Jamie Foxx)…and this is more than just a theory. It's almost fact.
Traditionally men have been the providers while women were the nurturers. Men brought home the bacon and the women cooked it. There was this little thing called suffrage and gender equity and before you knew it, women were sitting at the table with the big dogs. And I personally am a fan. But that's not the problem…. The real issue lies in the definition of what you call accomplished. Or let me rephrase…accomplished black women doesn't always equate to good black women. Yeah I said it…
Having a good job, home, car, 401k, all that jazz might associate to you being a good catch on paper, but lets face it. If you damn near 30 and single….it might not be our fault. While I will remain anonymous, if you know me then you know there is nothing more I want to be that a stay at home dad. Not a lazy negro on the couch, but a responsible father who is there for his children. I support the career minded women who are making strides and betting herself and still want a family. If these self called ABW's are having a hard time securing a mate for the future, then maybe…just maybe…its not about you being accomplished, but how your accomplished ass acts. Darwin or whoever tells us that a man is going to be a man and a woman is going to be a woman. You cant shake these undeniable facts of our genotype. We have an instinct to be providers, and what happens is you scream equal but get mad when we put you on the equal playing field. You cant ask for a little, it all comes with it. If you want a brotha to open the door for you and such, don't make claims and act like you can do it yourself. Confidence exudes through pores like pheromones, and we can tell when women have it. Not a bad thing…I'm just saying…be aware that acting like you don't need a man but for dick…well…that's all you might get. Dick.
Before I go, I'll take some questions. You in the front row…
Q: Are you intimidated by the success of the ABW?
A: Ummm…not at all. I love a woman who can get her own. It's less I have to buy. We can focus on more intimacy issues than what I bought you for valentines day.
Q: Are they resentful that the ABW doesn't "need" you?
A: I wouldn't want a women to "need" me for anything. That's not how you survive in this world. And for the record, unless she likes girls. she 's going to need me or one of my kind eventually.
Q: Do you see the ABW as more of a peer that doesn't require the same time, attention and affection as a woman that wants to be spoiled?
A: All women want to be spoiled. All women want a ring. No exceptions. Next question.
If I offended anyone, my deepest and sincerest apologies. I meant no malice. I respect a woman who has the balls for lack of a better word to stand up for herself and be independent. But then again…who wants a woman with balls.
- - -
I won't say much, but I will add two comments of note.
- The Behavior of an ABW: In the original post, I did cite a difference between the Accomplished Black Woman (ABW) and the Accomplished Black B* (ABB, rhymes with witch you put it together). The men that have responded seemed to have overlooked this. The ABW I refer to wouldn't be classified as this latter category . None of us claim we don't need a man for anything except, you know. We often do thoughtful things that come with and without a price tag for the man in our life. I consider myself to be and ABW and I don't think any of those that have responded would say I behave in the way described above, or fall into the ABB category. So, let's move on...
- The ABW's Hero and SHEro: One of the most unspoken truths about Barack Obama is that he openly and often professes his love and admiration for his ABW - Michelle. She is awesome, by any standard. The Epitome of the Accomplished Black Woman. A role model to me, and countless others... But do you see the way he looks at her? There is nothing resembling the tone of the above statement. No cynicism, no indignation. He has an appreciation for the woman he won (and yes, he had to fight for her). But he was confident enough in himself, and interested enough in her to face any challenge she put forth. Now, there are few people who would question her support and unwavering love for him. When he won the election, and gave praise to her - his best friend for the last 16 years, the rock of the family, the love of his life - women, ABW's around the world shouted and cried for joy. I was out and it was, by far, the point that received the loudest reaction from the crowd. Why, do you ask? Because, it just isn't every day that you encounter a man, a woman, a relationship, a marriage like that. Michelle was almost 30 when they were married... do you still stand by your sugar coated indictment, "If you damn near 30 and single….it might not be our fault," anonymous? Maybe, just maybe, my post offered more than just a "fancy ass way of [giving my] opinion."
Actually, I must thank you Anonymous, for allowing me the opportunity.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Morning After...
Last night I went to sleep, unable to keep my eyes open any longer, unable to listen to the radio or tv shows... I slept so hard. There were no dreams, just sleep. I rested. I woke up to Donnie Simpson's radio show talking about how proud they were. I hadn't forgotten, but I got warm again. My eyes watered and I smiled.
The world has been watching our country for a long time know, wondering if America could and would see beyond color and elect an intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate, open-minded, influential, spiritual and driven man to its highest office. The world celebrated with so many of us late into the night and morning.
I did several things I've never done before during this campaign. I talked about my views clearly and without reservation to any and everyone. I donated money on multiple occasions. I stood in line for hours to see him speak in person. I volunteered at a campaign headquarters. I didn't stay in the house to watch history, I went out and watched among a large extended family, united in a meaningful way. I cried and hugged strangers. I drove home honking through the streets with hundreds of other people doing the same. I felt full with the appreciation of what just occurred. What makes it even sweeter is I was able to share the moment with so many people I love and care for as well.
This represents so much, means so much to me. Sometimes I feel like I've been born into the wrong generation. I often prefer the music of the 60's to what I hear today. I'm extraordinarily content with people 30-40 years my senior. I have always been so heartbroken by the struggle that my people went through in this country, from slavery to Jim Crow, to the Civil Rights movement... Books, pictures, articles and movies I've seen have been burned into my soul and I can't forget. I am and have been motivated to "do something", anything to make a difference. I am sometimes guilty as referring to young people today (my generation and younger) as being apathetic. As a lost group that doesn't care about our history, or improving the lives of others. I have been saddened to learn that friends and associates of mine didn't vote during the Bush elections, even in Pennsylvania, a critical state. I have been angered by crass comments made about things I've considered real issues. This campaign has given me a reason not to be so critical. Sometimes it takes something strong to break through apathy and energize a people. A force so positive and true, that it cannot be denied. I'm so proud of my generation today. We stood in line for hours together, we donated hundreds and thousands of dollars, we made calls and canvassed, we celebrated peacefully together.
There is no pill that can be taken to erase what has happened in the last 24 hours. Many people do not feel the way I feel this morning. They are in a state of disbelief, or anger, or fear. They woke up hoping that it was a dream, but it's real. What's so awesome is that I truly believe our president is the type of man who will reach out to those he has yet to win over and be a wonderful president for them too. A man of his word.
I am so proud to be an American, a Black American. We have come so far and we must keep this passion and excitement going. This is the time for us to stand together and make a lasting impact on our society and our country. This is a time for all of us to take pride, but not to take it for granted. We have a tremendous amount of work to do.
President-Elect, Barack Obama.
Wow.
The world has been watching our country for a long time know, wondering if America could and would see beyond color and elect an intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate, open-minded, influential, spiritual and driven man to its highest office. The world celebrated with so many of us late into the night and morning.
I did several things I've never done before during this campaign. I talked about my views clearly and without reservation to any and everyone. I donated money on multiple occasions. I stood in line for hours to see him speak in person. I volunteered at a campaign headquarters. I didn't stay in the house to watch history, I went out and watched among a large extended family, united in a meaningful way. I cried and hugged strangers. I drove home honking through the streets with hundreds of other people doing the same. I felt full with the appreciation of what just occurred. What makes it even sweeter is I was able to share the moment with so many people I love and care for as well.
This represents so much, means so much to me. Sometimes I feel like I've been born into the wrong generation. I often prefer the music of the 60's to what I hear today. I'm extraordinarily content with people 30-40 years my senior. I have always been so heartbroken by the struggle that my people went through in this country, from slavery to Jim Crow, to the Civil Rights movement... Books, pictures, articles and movies I've seen have been burned into my soul and I can't forget. I am and have been motivated to "do something", anything to make a difference. I am sometimes guilty as referring to young people today (my generation and younger) as being apathetic. As a lost group that doesn't care about our history, or improving the lives of others. I have been saddened to learn that friends and associates of mine didn't vote during the Bush elections, even in Pennsylvania, a critical state. I have been angered by crass comments made about things I've considered real issues. This campaign has given me a reason not to be so critical. Sometimes it takes something strong to break through apathy and energize a people. A force so positive and true, that it cannot be denied. I'm so proud of my generation today. We stood in line for hours together, we donated hundreds and thousands of dollars, we made calls and canvassed, we celebrated peacefully together.
There is no pill that can be taken to erase what has happened in the last 24 hours. Many people do not feel the way I feel this morning. They are in a state of disbelief, or anger, or fear. They woke up hoping that it was a dream, but it's real. What's so awesome is that I truly believe our president is the type of man who will reach out to those he has yet to win over and be a wonderful president for them too. A man of his word.
I am so proud to be an American, a Black American. We have come so far and we must keep this passion and excitement going. This is the time for us to stand together and make a lasting impact on our society and our country. This is a time for all of us to take pride, but not to take it for granted. We have a tremendous amount of work to do.
President-Elect, Barack Obama.
Wow.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
First Sunday
I've always considered myself spiritual, but not necessarily religious. Going back to my circles, I didn't mention spirituality outright, but my beliefs guide my actions, and the way I feel about my actions.
My religious background is full of experiences with Christianity, Judaism and Islam. My family is religiously diverse, and I have spent time with and been exposed to a variety of beliefs. Church on Saturday (yes we called it church, not synagogue), bible study and service on Sunday, and daily prayers (salat).
My parents never forced a particular religion on me, and I was very open to my experiences. I wasn't a regular anywhere, but I was comfortable with my relationship with God. When I went to college, I primarily attended a baptist church and I really felt at home. After moving to Rochester, I tried a few different places and settled into a non-denominational christian church. I had wonderful mentors and friends in God and I miss that.
Now back in Maryland, I don't have a church home, and haven't looked very hard. It's bad because the time I've been here has been the most stressful of my life. Family concerns, financial difficulties, multiple moves, overworked and betrayed... I've felt so unsettled and at times really down. I know my prayers aren't enough, and I haven't felt as close to God as I want and need.
Despite all of this, I know I'm blessed and I know I just need to open myself up to receive. God's been trying to tell me something; I just have to listen. On my way home from work, I pass three gas stations before getting on the highway. I always stop at the first, but for some reason, I decided to go to the second station instead. My debit card didn't work, and frustrated, I closed my tank, and drove to the third station. While pumping my gas, I noticed an older man looking at me, he had a warm smile and I smiled back. "Hello Soror," he said and as he was the elder, I made my way to him and we embraced in the usual sigma/zeta way. We chatted for a while about greek life and then he gave me his card. He was the pastor of a church in Upper Marlboro and he invited me to service. As I got in my car, I knew it was God telling me I needed to find a church home, and this could be an option. That was a few months ago, and today, the First Sunday in November, was my first time in a long time in a Maryland Church.
I didn't go to the church in Upper Marlboro. Instead I went to a small baptist church in Columbia. The service took about an hour, and although I wasn't overly touched by the message for today, I did get something out of it, and beyond that, I felt comfort. The people were very warm and open. My offering wasn't tremendous, but I wanted to give more than I planned and I felt good about it. I was the only visitor and the Pastor called my name (correct pronunciation and everything!) and welcomed me. About a dozen people came to me at the end of service and invited me back.
I drove home feeling better about life and myself. I worked really hard and finished my midterm ahead of schedule. I spoke to my grandparents for a good amount of time, and it had been a while since we last talked. I started organizing some papers and found money I didn't know I had, 7x what I gave to the church. Things for me financially have changed in the past week and it truly was a blessing to find the money.
I know it's just the beginning, and I'm getting the "I told you so," but I welcome it, and I'm looking forward to finding a church home and strengthening my relationship to God. I'm also going to be open to those God sends to help me and educate me along the way.
My religious background is full of experiences with Christianity, Judaism and Islam. My family is religiously diverse, and I have spent time with and been exposed to a variety of beliefs. Church on Saturday (yes we called it church, not synagogue), bible study and service on Sunday, and daily prayers (salat).
My parents never forced a particular religion on me, and I was very open to my experiences. I wasn't a regular anywhere, but I was comfortable with my relationship with God. When I went to college, I primarily attended a baptist church and I really felt at home. After moving to Rochester, I tried a few different places and settled into a non-denominational christian church. I had wonderful mentors and friends in God and I miss that.
Now back in Maryland, I don't have a church home, and haven't looked very hard. It's bad because the time I've been here has been the most stressful of my life. Family concerns, financial difficulties, multiple moves, overworked and betrayed... I've felt so unsettled and at times really down. I know my prayers aren't enough, and I haven't felt as close to God as I want and need.
Despite all of this, I know I'm blessed and I know I just need to open myself up to receive. God's been trying to tell me something; I just have to listen. On my way home from work, I pass three gas stations before getting on the highway. I always stop at the first, but for some reason, I decided to go to the second station instead. My debit card didn't work, and frustrated, I closed my tank, and drove to the third station. While pumping my gas, I noticed an older man looking at me, he had a warm smile and I smiled back. "Hello Soror," he said and as he was the elder, I made my way to him and we embraced in the usual sigma/zeta way. We chatted for a while about greek life and then he gave me his card. He was the pastor of a church in Upper Marlboro and he invited me to service. As I got in my car, I knew it was God telling me I needed to find a church home, and this could be an option. That was a few months ago, and today, the First Sunday in November, was my first time in a long time in a Maryland Church.
I didn't go to the church in Upper Marlboro. Instead I went to a small baptist church in Columbia. The service took about an hour, and although I wasn't overly touched by the message for today, I did get something out of it, and beyond that, I felt comfort. The people were very warm and open. My offering wasn't tremendous, but I wanted to give more than I planned and I felt good about it. I was the only visitor and the Pastor called my name (correct pronunciation and everything!) and welcomed me. About a dozen people came to me at the end of service and invited me back.
I drove home feeling better about life and myself. I worked really hard and finished my midterm ahead of schedule. I spoke to my grandparents for a good amount of time, and it had been a while since we last talked. I started organizing some papers and found money I didn't know I had, 7x what I gave to the church. Things for me financially have changed in the past week and it truly was a blessing to find the money.
I know it's just the beginning, and I'm getting the "I told you so," but I welcome it, and I'm looking forward to finding a church home and strengthening my relationship to God. I'm also going to be open to those God sends to help me and educate me along the way.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Bust Your Windows... the Remix
This is an attempt to take a song I like and turn it political. I'd really like to hear your thoughts... I didn't use the instrumental and I hope it doesn't get too hard, but it was easier for me to sing along while her words were in the background. Don't forget to press play!
{{Disclaimer: The end won't be a perfect match (at all), but you get the point.
Layna
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
McCain and Palin go too far
And they won’t heal my country’s fragile heart
Four hundred years have caused some ugly scars
But they don’t seem to really get that part
McCain and Palin go too far
After the ratings fell, he chose her
Thought it would make things somehow take a turn
I’m glad he did cuz maybe now they’ll learn
I must admit it helped a little bit
At first they loved her now she’s stepped in sh*t
Forever captured in those SNL skits
But I’m glad they see what happens when
You see they can’t just rile up people’s feelings
Link him to terrorists and claim unfair treatment
When Lewis cautions that they play with fire
All Obama does is touch and inspire
Ha ha ha ha ha
McCain and Palin go too far
Had bad intentions from the very start
Reports of “kill him” shade all their talks
These tricks a common, right wing art
McCain and Palin go too far
Beliefs and morals aren’t addressed at all
Roles reversed it would be no contest
It should be clear Obama is the best
Oooh ahhh…
I must admit some worry, just a bit
To hear the hatred that some people vent
This racial tension has built up over years
And now they are just feeding into those fears
You see they can’t appreciate the meaning
He gives us hope for change, he’s unyielding
To threats and scheme and those with words unkind
Let’s take a stand this Obama’s time
But, but but but no no no nooo…
This is no comfort to my country’s heart
Split down the middle causing us so much pain
I can’t describe how I long for the day
OOohhh But until… (but until)
Eleven four (eleven four)
When we all stand together
cast our vote (cast our vote)
And the polls close, what a day
I can’t wait
But until… (but until)
Eleven four (eleven four)
When we all stand together
cast our vote (cast our vote)
And the polls close, what a day
I can’t wait
….
McCain and Palin go too far
{{Disclaimer: The end won't be a perfect match (at all), but you get the point.
Layna
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
McCain and Palin go too far
And they won’t heal my country’s fragile heart
Four hundred years have caused some ugly scars
But they don’t seem to really get that part
McCain and Palin go too far
After the ratings fell, he chose her
Thought it would make things somehow take a turn
I’m glad he did cuz maybe now they’ll learn
I must admit it helped a little bit
At first they loved her now she’s stepped in sh*t
Forever captured in those SNL skits
But I’m glad they see what happens when
You see they can’t just rile up people’s feelings
Link him to terrorists and claim unfair treatment
When Lewis cautions that they play with fire
All Obama does is touch and inspire
Ha ha ha ha ha
McCain and Palin go too far
Had bad intentions from the very start
Reports of “kill him” shade all their talks
These tricks a common, right wing art
McCain and Palin go too far
Beliefs and morals aren’t addressed at all
Roles reversed it would be no contest
It should be clear Obama is the best
Oooh ahhh…
I must admit some worry, just a bit
To hear the hatred that some people vent
This racial tension has built up over years
And now they are just feeding into those fears
You see they can’t appreciate the meaning
He gives us hope for change, he’s unyielding
To threats and scheme and those with words unkind
Let’s take a stand this Obama’s time
But, but but but no no no nooo…
This is no comfort to my country’s heart
Split down the middle causing us so much pain
I can’t describe how I long for the day
OOohhh But until… (but until)
Eleven four (eleven four)
When we all stand together
cast our vote (cast our vote)
And the polls close, what a day
I can’t wait
But until… (but until)
Eleven four (eleven four)
When we all stand together
cast our vote (cast our vote)
And the polls close, what a day
I can’t wait
….
McCain and Palin go too far
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Kiss and Tell....
As much as I like to claim to be an open book, the truth is, when it comes to certain topics, I tend to be pretty private. See, I have concentric circles, levels if you will, that correspond to my closeness to you, and the information I'm willing to share.
Level 1 - The big picture. You get to know my interests, what I do for money (at a basic level), a bit about my family, etc.
Level 2 - Details. You know about my relationships with my family, a lot more details about my work, specifics about my interests, etc.
Level 3 - The intangibles. You get to know a decent amount about my feelings, my insecurities, my dreams, my motivation.
Level 4 - The quirks. You know what it means when I say things in a particular way, or why I'm doing something that others may not understand. You know why I prefer heels to flats even though I love sports. You know what makes me smile, cry, yell, blush...
I'd like to talk about blushing....
There is this concept of "Girl Talk" that men (and women I suppose) have. I think men enjoy the idea that the women they are with talk *positively* about them - how they treat them, what they do, how they feel... even now, I can't just out and say the intimacy part but you get the picture.
I've never really been one of these girl talkers. I rebuff any inquiries with boring responses like, "oh, everythings fine," or "yeah, I like him." That's probably why I don't tend to get into these conversations with people, not even TP2. Things are changing though, with ladies nights, and different parties, (newer) friends are talking to me about personal things, and consequently, I think I'm sharing more.
It's interesting. Not sure how I feel about it yet, but I guess it could be educational. I've already learned a few new things *smile, blush*
What do you all think about kissing and telling? If you're a guy, do you tell your boys about your interactions with women? Does it matter if you're serious about the woman or not? If you're a woman, do you brag on your man to your friends? Do you slam a guy if he's lacking in some area? What about your "Oops" experiences...
Taking the blog to Level 2.... To Be Continued
Level 1 - The big picture. You get to know my interests, what I do for money (at a basic level), a bit about my family, etc.
Level 2 - Details. You know about my relationships with my family, a lot more details about my work, specifics about my interests, etc.
Level 3 - The intangibles. You get to know a decent amount about my feelings, my insecurities, my dreams, my motivation.
Level 4 - The quirks. You know what it means when I say things in a particular way, or why I'm doing something that others may not understand. You know why I prefer heels to flats even though I love sports. You know what makes me smile, cry, yell, blush...
I'd like to talk about blushing....
There is this concept of "Girl Talk" that men (and women I suppose) have. I think men enjoy the idea that the women they are with talk *positively* about them - how they treat them, what they do, how they feel... even now, I can't just out and say the intimacy part but you get the picture.
I've never really been one of these girl talkers. I rebuff any inquiries with boring responses like, "oh, everythings fine," or "yeah, I like him." That's probably why I don't tend to get into these conversations with people, not even TP2. Things are changing though, with ladies nights, and different parties, (newer) friends are talking to me about personal things, and consequently, I think I'm sharing more.
It's interesting. Not sure how I feel about it yet, but I guess it could be educational. I've already learned a few new things *smile, blush*
What do you all think about kissing and telling? If you're a guy, do you tell your boys about your interactions with women? Does it matter if you're serious about the woman or not? If you're a woman, do you brag on your man to your friends? Do you slam a guy if he's lacking in some area? What about your "Oops" experiences...
Taking the blog to Level 2.... To Be Continued
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Expectations...
I have a problem..
I'm a People Pleaser. Maybe not clinically (http://www.webmd.com/balance/people-pleaser-quiz), but I am. I've always tried to make everyone happy - parents, friends, family, "enemies". I've thought if I can do something that makes you smile, then I will in turn smile and be happier. I've never been able to handle someone not liking me. Scratch that word handle - it implies that I go through some sort of nervous breakdown. Let's replace with accept. I have never accepted someone not liking me.
I remember in elementary school, there was a girl who was kind of a bully and she was always mean to me. Unacceptable. I devised a way to get her on my side. I bought some candy and took it to school. I gave it away in sandwich bags to all my friends. I saw her watching, kind of sad. She didn't have friends and I knew it. I saved a bag of candy, walked to her, gave it to her, smiled, and walked away. She changed instantly. We were now friends and she even made me a bracelet.
That situation isn't unique. I'll have a party and instead of just inviting the people I'm close to, I'll invite a lot of peripheral people so they don't feel bad when they hear about it. I've driven short and long distances to see friends that were having trouble just to be supportive when I have something big to do the next day. I've stayed up all hours in college to help a guy I cared about with schoolwork, sometimes allowing my own studying to suffer. These things end up working out, but it begs the question ---> are my actions in my best interest.
What if I put it in a different way. When people are in need, I like to help. It's my personality. I get called on for all types of things and I seldom say no. AJ, can I borrow X dollars; AJ, can you work on this project for me; AJ, can you call so and so for me. Sometimes it is even, "Oh, don't worry about that, AJ will do it." And usually I do, and what that builds is an (unrealistic, although I am a superwoman) expectation that I will always say yes. So what happens when I say no? I get cold shoulders, guilt trips, and the piercing tone... sometimes even vindictive behavior. Even though the cases of "no" are rare, the reaction is almost always negative.
It sucks.
It hurts my feelings depending on the situation, but as I get older, I'm also getting over it faster. I've spent a lot of time giving, and what I've received often isn't comparable - this is not why I give, but it is a fact. My mother has said to me on more than one occasion that I give too much without any of my own expectations, even in regards to her. Sometimes that leads to people taking advantage. What makes it sting even more is that the same request can be made to someone else who declines, but the reaction is very different and there is little if any animosity. Maybe they haven't built up the same expectations.
I'll always do what I can for the people I care about, but in having two jobs, school and other priorities/commitments, I can't kill myself to get someone to smile. Sometimes saying no is good for me, even if it's different for you.
I'm a People Pleaser. Maybe not clinically (http://www.webmd.com/balance/people-pleaser-quiz), but I am. I've always tried to make everyone happy - parents, friends, family, "enemies". I've thought if I can do something that makes you smile, then I will in turn smile and be happier. I've never been able to handle someone not liking me. Scratch that word handle - it implies that I go through some sort of nervous breakdown. Let's replace with accept. I have never accepted someone not liking me.
I remember in elementary school, there was a girl who was kind of a bully and she was always mean to me. Unacceptable. I devised a way to get her on my side. I bought some candy and took it to school. I gave it away in sandwich bags to all my friends. I saw her watching, kind of sad. She didn't have friends and I knew it. I saved a bag of candy, walked to her, gave it to her, smiled, and walked away. She changed instantly. We were now friends and she even made me a bracelet.
That situation isn't unique. I'll have a party and instead of just inviting the people I'm close to, I'll invite a lot of peripheral people so they don't feel bad when they hear about it. I've driven short and long distances to see friends that were having trouble just to be supportive when I have something big to do the next day. I've stayed up all hours in college to help a guy I cared about with schoolwork, sometimes allowing my own studying to suffer. These things end up working out, but it begs the question ---> are my actions in my best interest.
What if I put it in a different way. When people are in need, I like to help. It's my personality. I get called on for all types of things and I seldom say no. AJ, can I borrow X dollars; AJ, can you work on this project for me; AJ, can you call so and so for me. Sometimes it is even, "Oh, don't worry about that, AJ will do it." And usually I do, and what that builds is an (unrealistic, although I am a superwoman) expectation that I will always say yes. So what happens when I say no? I get cold shoulders, guilt trips, and the piercing tone... sometimes even vindictive behavior. Even though the cases of "no" are rare, the reaction is almost always negative.
It sucks.
It hurts my feelings depending on the situation, but as I get older, I'm also getting over it faster. I've spent a lot of time giving, and what I've received often isn't comparable - this is not why I give, but it is a fact. My mother has said to me on more than one occasion that I give too much without any of my own expectations, even in regards to her. Sometimes that leads to people taking advantage. What makes it sting even more is that the same request can be made to someone else who declines, but the reaction is very different and there is little if any animosity. Maybe they haven't built up the same expectations.
I'll always do what I can for the people I care about, but in having two jobs, school and other priorities/commitments, I can't kill myself to get someone to smile. Sometimes saying no is good for me, even if it's different for you.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Blog Theory - ABWS - Accomplished Black Woman Syndrome
So depending on your gender as you read this, you are either really excited or you have red flags shooting up. In either case, I hope you are anxious to read on.
I've been talking to some of my friends that are ABW's (yes, I'm claiming that I've coined a new phrase) and I as I sit hear coughing and sniffing alone in bed, I think I've figured it out!
In general, people are proud. When we do important or meaningful work, we like to share it with others. We all enjoy pats on the back, we all like to beam with pride. Sometimes women keep their accomplishments to themselves on the world stage, but at home, we like to share the good we've done with those we care about. Thus ABWS.
The thought behind the theory is that men are less motivated to please an ABW than women that are "less accomplished". Eyebrows raised? Good. Let's dig a bit deeper. Have you heard a group of guys talking about independent women and how things are "equal" now? The theory follows that "equal" is code for:
- She needs to foot a couple of dinners (half preferred)
- She shouldn't expect me to rush to open doors
- She should get me gifts when she goes somewhere
- She doesn't need me to whisper sweet nothings
You get the picture. Equal becomes an excuse to behave badly. Yeah, I said it. Chivalry is dead for the ABW. Since she can take care of herself, there is an expectation for her to do just that. These are also the same men that blast women (often behind their backs) who are vocal about their desire for a man to step up and take care of them. These men claim they want that independent woman, that ABW, but when the opportunity presents itself to have an ABW, they can't perform.
To test my theory, I think I'll attempt to meet a guy and not share any accomplished details about myself. Sure I went to school and finished. I have an average job at the University. I live at home with my mother. Nothing about what my degree was in, what I'm in school for now, my accurate career profile, my home owner history. Other than that, I'll be my sweet self and we'll see what happens. My hypothesis is that this random guy will call me frequently wanting to take me out to a variety of places; never bring up how men and women are "equal" because he doesn't expect me to do those things; he will court me, adore me and end up proposing! (LOL, had to add it in).
Don't get me wrong, you have to write with a strong point of your to get your message across, but I know there are many men who would really appreciate their ABW and treat them like a queen. I can give an example close to home of my Aunt K who was swept off her feet by a persistent man that loved the fact she was an ABW. Plenty of them are out here.... but... it is the experience of my ABW friends that I speak to and say that there are also plenty of guys that can't handle an ABW.
This raises the question of why? Are they intimidated by the success of the ABW? Are they resentful that the ABW doesn't "need" them? Have they been scorned by an ABB and do they hold it against ABW's (you can figure that one out)? Do they see the ABW as more of a peer that doesn't require the same time, attention and affection as a woman that wants to be spoiled?
I'm open to your thoughts. Comment Away! Oh, and subscribe to my blog!!! (upper right corner)
AJ
I've been talking to some of my friends that are ABW's (yes, I'm claiming that I've coined a new phrase) and I as I sit hear coughing and sniffing alone in bed, I think I've figured it out!
In general, people are proud. When we do important or meaningful work, we like to share it with others. We all enjoy pats on the back, we all like to beam with pride. Sometimes women keep their accomplishments to themselves on the world stage, but at home, we like to share the good we've done with those we care about. Thus ABWS.
The thought behind the theory is that men are less motivated to please an ABW than women that are "less accomplished". Eyebrows raised? Good. Let's dig a bit deeper. Have you heard a group of guys talking about independent women and how things are "equal" now? The theory follows that "equal" is code for:
- She needs to foot a couple of dinners (half preferred)
- She shouldn't expect me to rush to open doors
- She should get me gifts when she goes somewhere
- She doesn't need me to whisper sweet nothings
You get the picture. Equal becomes an excuse to behave badly. Yeah, I said it. Chivalry is dead for the ABW. Since she can take care of herself, there is an expectation for her to do just that. These are also the same men that blast women (often behind their backs) who are vocal about their desire for a man to step up and take care of them. These men claim they want that independent woman, that ABW, but when the opportunity presents itself to have an ABW, they can't perform.
To test my theory, I think I'll attempt to meet a guy and not share any accomplished details about myself. Sure I went to school and finished. I have an average job at the University. I live at home with my mother. Nothing about what my degree was in, what I'm in school for now, my accurate career profile, my home owner history. Other than that, I'll be my sweet self and we'll see what happens. My hypothesis is that this random guy will call me frequently wanting to take me out to a variety of places; never bring up how men and women are "equal" because he doesn't expect me to do those things; he will court me, adore me and end up proposing! (LOL, had to add it in).
Don't get me wrong, you have to write with a strong point of your to get your message across, but I know there are many men who would really appreciate their ABW and treat them like a queen. I can give an example close to home of my Aunt K who was swept off her feet by a persistent man that loved the fact she was an ABW. Plenty of them are out here.... but... it is the experience of my ABW friends that I speak to and say that there are also plenty of guys that can't handle an ABW.
This raises the question of why? Are they intimidated by the success of the ABW? Are they resentful that the ABW doesn't "need" them? Have they been scorned by an ABB and do they hold it against ABW's (you can figure that one out)? Do they see the ABW as more of a peer that doesn't require the same time, attention and affection as a woman that wants to be spoiled?
I'm open to your thoughts. Comment Away! Oh, and subscribe to my blog!!! (upper right corner)
AJ
poetry under construction
This time I mean the title literally.
I was working on this piece and thought I'd share. It's early yet...
Title: If you don't
If you don't hear the understanding in my words
A reflection of your every want, need and whim
Know that your passions penetrate my skin
I can't please you...
If you don't cherish the essence of my spirit
Appreciate the gift of just being near it
Delighting in my smiles and forgiving my flaws
I can't be free with you...
If you don't take the time to get to know my mind
Show concern for my dreams and aspirations
Embracing my quirks without hesitation
I can't compliment you...
If you don't see the fire in my eyes
Replicated in the warmth between my thighs
Compounded by the desire in my tone
I can't show you...
If you don't find a way to open up
Allow yourself to receive the love I'm trying to offer
Swallow past hurts and become a bit softer
I can't.
I was working on this piece and thought I'd share. It's early yet...
Title: If you don't
If you don't hear the understanding in my words
A reflection of your every want, need and whim
Know that your passions penetrate my skin
I can't please you...
If you don't cherish the essence of my spirit
Appreciate the gift of just being near it
Delighting in my smiles and forgiving my flaws
I can't be free with you...
If you don't take the time to get to know my mind
Show concern for my dreams and aspirations
Embracing my quirks without hesitation
I can't compliment you...
If you don't see the fire in my eyes
Replicated in the warmth between my thighs
Compounded by the desire in my tone
I can't show you...
If you don't find a way to open up
Allow yourself to receive the love I'm trying to offer
Swallow past hurts and become a bit softer
I can't.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
It's almost unreal... 2008
If you were a betting man, and you saw this year coming, you would be filthy rich right now. Globally, Nationally and Personally, I didn't see most of this ish coming, and while some of it is pretty bad, some of it has been good. The year is still young though.
* Who would have bet on Barack Obama winning the democratic nomination a year or two ago? Some people may have seen this one coming, but he was still a relative newcomer, especially to those who don't follow politics that closely. I remember talking to my cousin in her kitchen during those months she and her husband graciously allowed me to crash there about Barack and Hillary. I hadn't made up my mind at that point, but I was listening to all of the talk very seriously. I watched YouTube video's on Barack and read some of his Bio. I even got to see him in person when he came to College Park to speak (He smiled at me - I have proof). I did something that I tend to shy away from when I present discussion topics - I took a firm stand.
On 12/12/07, I sent a note to all my family and friends throwing all of my support behind Barack Obama and Our Cause. Since then I have been a strong supporter and as the days count down to the election, I find myself in a very high strung state. I know I will probably cry either way, but for very different reasons. His victory would mean so much to this country and this world. His loss would be a devastating blow, and I actually fear what the country would look like under a McCain/Palin administration. Whoever the next president is will have to face some of the most difficult challenges a president has ever faced. His first term will be merciless, and yet, with Obama as our leader, I do think we would find our way out of this economic darkness, energy crisis and educational decline. I will continue to pray for this.
* Who would have bet that the Iraq War would still be going on in 2008? Ok, most of us would probably have taken this bet, afterall, we are still in the Bush administration. What may be more surprising to us is the strong stance opposing leaders have taken against the US and President Bush, especially while speaking on such a public forum as the United Nations. First Chavez calls Bush the devil in an otherwise eloquent speech, and now Iran's president (I'm not even going to try to spell his name on my own and I don't feel like googling it, I'm on a roll) is giving Bush the thumbs down sign in front of the world. Not to mention calling him a N*... just a joke for my MBA friends. But seriously...
Russia is invading Georgia, Bush thinks they've taken over Atlanta. Darfur is still in turmoil, Haiti is entirely underwater and Houston/Galveston is in shambles. They are blowing up hotels in Pakistan and breaking millions of records in smog covered Beijing. It's been amazing to watch.
*Personally, well, I'm alive, and kicking. I'm loving school even though it's working me over right now, and I love the new place. Work could have it's challenges, but at this point I'm paying the bills and negotiating better working conditions which is great. The year has had it's ups and downs, but considering the state I could be in, I'm doing darn good. It looks like I'll be blogging more which makes me happy too. One of my friends said she admired the fact that I was a "true romantic" still, and I must say I think she's right. I'm still hoping that one day the right guy will find me, appreciate/adore/cherish me, marry me, have children with me, and love me until my last breath. Stay tuned.
* Who would have bet on Barack Obama winning the democratic nomination a year or two ago? Some people may have seen this one coming, but he was still a relative newcomer, especially to those who don't follow politics that closely. I remember talking to my cousin in her kitchen during those months she and her husband graciously allowed me to crash there about Barack and Hillary. I hadn't made up my mind at that point, but I was listening to all of the talk very seriously. I watched YouTube video's on Barack and read some of his Bio. I even got to see him in person when he came to College Park to speak (He smiled at me - I have proof). I did something that I tend to shy away from when I present discussion topics - I took a firm stand.
On 12/12/07, I sent a note to all my family and friends throwing all of my support behind Barack Obama and Our Cause. Since then I have been a strong supporter and as the days count down to the election, I find myself in a very high strung state. I know I will probably cry either way, but for very different reasons. His victory would mean so much to this country and this world. His loss would be a devastating blow, and I actually fear what the country would look like under a McCain/Palin administration. Whoever the next president is will have to face some of the most difficult challenges a president has ever faced. His first term will be merciless, and yet, with Obama as our leader, I do think we would find our way out of this economic darkness, energy crisis and educational decline. I will continue to pray for this.
* Who would have bet that the Iraq War would still be going on in 2008? Ok, most of us would probably have taken this bet, afterall, we are still in the Bush administration. What may be more surprising to us is the strong stance opposing leaders have taken against the US and President Bush, especially while speaking on such a public forum as the United Nations. First Chavez calls Bush the devil in an otherwise eloquent speech, and now Iran's president (I'm not even going to try to spell his name on my own and I don't feel like googling it, I'm on a roll) is giving Bush the thumbs down sign in front of the world. Not to mention calling him a N*... just a joke for my MBA friends. But seriously...
Russia is invading Georgia, Bush thinks they've taken over Atlanta. Darfur is still in turmoil, Haiti is entirely underwater and Houston/Galveston is in shambles. They are blowing up hotels in Pakistan and breaking millions of records in smog covered Beijing. It's been amazing to watch.
*Personally, well, I'm alive, and kicking. I'm loving school even though it's working me over right now, and I love the new place. Work could have it's challenges, but at this point I'm paying the bills and negotiating better working conditions which is great. The year has had it's ups and downs, but considering the state I could be in, I'm doing darn good. It looks like I'll be blogging more which makes me happy too. One of my friends said she admired the fact that I was a "true romantic" still, and I must say I think she's right. I'm still hoping that one day the right guy will find me, appreciate/adore/cherish me, marry me, have children with me, and love me until my last breath. Stay tuned.
Keeping up with the Jones'
**sidenote** I actually wrote this blog last Wednesday, September 17th on a piece of paper in class. Took a few days to actually post. As always, comments welcome.
- - -
It's mid-September and I've thought about blogging a lot, but I've been too busy shopping. Well, more like spending money - there is a difference. I'm not going to list out everything that I've purchased, but take it from me, I haven't had a spending spree like this ... ever.
There have been useful things. I'm typing on one of them, but there have also been things that are materialistic in nature; things I don't usually consider. Part of me can excuse it by saying "I'm getting older, I should have nice things," but another part of me thinks I'm just spending to keep up with the Jones', and that's strange..
Do I care what people like the Jones' think?
Well of course to a degree. I live in the MD/DC/VA area, the US' other fashion center, and in some ways I feel "less than" here. Part of this could bee that my confidence is shaken from a recent experience that shall go unnamed, but most of it is probably me overdramatizing. In either case, I'm HAPPY with all of my expenditures, much to my mother's shock. On the other hand, I've lost my desire to spend just today because I know I will never be able to keep up with the Jones' and actually, I don't think I want to.
There are so many things I want to do with my time and money, like writing and painting and going to Paris. I'm excited about creating a new financial future for myself. The Jones' can have it there way. I'll have it mine.
- - -
Closing Note: There was an article in DiversityInc today about Black Women and Spending. Very interesting read. http://www.diversityinc.com/public/4411.cfm
- - -
It's mid-September and I've thought about blogging a lot, but I've been too busy shopping. Well, more like spending money - there is a difference. I'm not going to list out everything that I've purchased, but take it from me, I haven't had a spending spree like this ... ever.
There have been useful things. I'm typing on one of them, but there have also been things that are materialistic in nature; things I don't usually consider. Part of me can excuse it by saying "I'm getting older, I should have nice things," but another part of me thinks I'm just spending to keep up with the Jones', and that's strange..
Do I care what people like the Jones' think?
Well of course to a degree. I live in the MD/DC/VA area, the US' other fashion center, and in some ways I feel "less than" here. Part of this could bee that my confidence is shaken from a recent experience that shall go unnamed, but most of it is probably me overdramatizing. In either case, I'm HAPPY with all of my expenditures, much to my mother's shock. On the other hand, I've lost my desire to spend just today because I know I will never be able to keep up with the Jones' and actually, I don't think I want to.
There are so many things I want to do with my time and money, like writing and painting and going to Paris. I'm excited about creating a new financial future for myself. The Jones' can have it there way. I'll have it mine.
- - -
Closing Note: There was an article in DiversityInc today about Black Women and Spending. Very interesting read. http://www.diversityinc.com/public/4411.cfm
Thursday, August 14, 2008
We hold these truths...
There are some things I know to be true. Nothing and everything is good for you. The flesh is weak. Green is my favorite color (now). Life as we know it is finite. Everyday that we wake up is a blessing and we should work to make the most out of each day we have.
At some point, our bodies will be no longer, and what we leave behind will be most readily seen in the people we’ve touched. Our spirits will live on, and the way we’ve lived will dictate the level of comfort we have for eternity.
I didn’t intend to start this blog with such a spiritual tone, but sometimes it is necessary to share these feelings with those you care about. I’ve been reflecting, as I often do, and come to a realization that for the last couple of years, I’ll define it as 2, I have not been a proactive participant in my own life. At the young and tender age of 27 (*smile*), I haven’t allowed myself to experience the joys of life, as I’ve busied myself with this or that or them or him.
Well, it’s August and I still have some time to make 2008 beautiful. I have and will continue to remove or reduce negative influences from my life while increasing the amount of time spent with positive, supportive, upbeat people. I will schedule in time for fun, and force myself to have it. I’ve been content with watching TV after a long day for too long. I will look for opportunities to simplify my schedule. Two jobs and school is a bit excessive. Perhaps most importantly, I will take better care of myself, after all, no one else will do for you what you won’t do for yourself.
Besides my own personal reflection, there are a few other things that have caught my attention lately.
* Why do they keep using the same awful National Enquirer photo for that Hunter lady in the John Edwards scandal on CNN… I don’t think the story requires bad photos to further sensationalize what’s happening
* Why does dating have to be a game? Who started the phenomena of not being yourself and acting like you’re uninterested when you are? Or conversely interested when you’re not? Why can’t two people meet, and be themselves, and appreciate that in the other person? (I know the answer…)
* Why did China have the little girl during opening ceremony lip singing in front of all those people? They had a contest, but they decided the little girl that won wasn’t cute enough to actually sing on stage, so they hired that one while the winner sung backstage. How sad.
* How come I’m experiencing such bad service from Comcast now that I’ve moved? What’s wrong with customer service anyway these days? Can they institute some new training programs?
* Rest in Peace Issac Hayes and Bernie Mac. Two Icons in one weekend… very tough.
* Why are these John McCain ads running during the Olympics really starting to bug me? Since when did having people believe in you make you the biggest celebrity in the world? Guess using these tactics are necessary when you’re older than Cobb Salad.
* Why is your president slapping folks above the arse while Russia is dropping bombs on an ally? Is this completely inappropriate to anyone else?
* I’m so excited football season is back I don’t know what to do with myself. Get ready for Sunday Football parties at my house and another Fantasy League victory by me!
* I need a vacation this month… who wants to go?!?!?!
Until next time.
At some point, our bodies will be no longer, and what we leave behind will be most readily seen in the people we’ve touched. Our spirits will live on, and the way we’ve lived will dictate the level of comfort we have for eternity.
I didn’t intend to start this blog with such a spiritual tone, but sometimes it is necessary to share these feelings with those you care about. I’ve been reflecting, as I often do, and come to a realization that for the last couple of years, I’ll define it as 2, I have not been a proactive participant in my own life. At the young and tender age of 27 (*smile*), I haven’t allowed myself to experience the joys of life, as I’ve busied myself with this or that or them or him.
Well, it’s August and I still have some time to make 2008 beautiful. I have and will continue to remove or reduce negative influences from my life while increasing the amount of time spent with positive, supportive, upbeat people. I will schedule in time for fun, and force myself to have it. I’ve been content with watching TV after a long day for too long. I will look for opportunities to simplify my schedule. Two jobs and school is a bit excessive. Perhaps most importantly, I will take better care of myself, after all, no one else will do for you what you won’t do for yourself.
Besides my own personal reflection, there are a few other things that have caught my attention lately.
* Why do they keep using the same awful National Enquirer photo for that Hunter lady in the John Edwards scandal on CNN… I don’t think the story requires bad photos to further sensationalize what’s happening
* Why does dating have to be a game? Who started the phenomena of not being yourself and acting like you’re uninterested when you are? Or conversely interested when you’re not? Why can’t two people meet, and be themselves, and appreciate that in the other person? (I know the answer…)
* Why did China have the little girl during opening ceremony lip singing in front of all those people? They had a contest, but they decided the little girl that won wasn’t cute enough to actually sing on stage, so they hired that one while the winner sung backstage. How sad.
* How come I’m experiencing such bad service from Comcast now that I’ve moved? What’s wrong with customer service anyway these days? Can they institute some new training programs?
* Rest in Peace Issac Hayes and Bernie Mac. Two Icons in one weekend… very tough.
* Why are these John McCain ads running during the Olympics really starting to bug me? Since when did having people believe in you make you the biggest celebrity in the world? Guess using these tactics are necessary when you’re older than Cobb Salad.
* Why is your president slapping folks above the arse while Russia is dropping bombs on an ally? Is this completely inappropriate to anyone else?
* I’m so excited football season is back I don’t know what to do with myself. Get ready for Sunday Football parties at my house and another Fantasy League victory by me!
* I need a vacation this month… who wants to go?!?!?!
Until next time.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Lanie Exposed...
Thanks to everyone who read my first attempt at blogging in years and even bigger thanks to those that commented! I'll be writing my own response after this blog is completed. This one is a little different... please bare with me!
Some of you may know, I've been having a very tough couple of weeks. No, all of my loved ones are alive and well, even my Aunt came through her cancer surgery ok. No, I didn't lose my job; I'm not going to be tossed out of my apartment. No, I didn't get sick....
But what happened instead is something that I wasn't prepared for - something that has shaken me because it's something I never considered, something I can't explain, or justify or even comprehend. Someone close to me has tried to hurt me in a most hateful way, and for the life of me, I didn't see it coming, and I know I didn't/ don't deserve it... I feel... numb.
You get comfortable... you think that your friends care about you, and if you truly value them as friends, you trust them... or at least I did. Now I sit here, and all I can do is wonder how I could be so naive, so trusting... Maybe it was the security of "knowing" someone nearly half your life. Maybe I'm just a bad judge of character.
I don't want any one experience to jade my view of people, but I'm having a hard time with this. I think I'll be resistant to being so open in the future. Inherently that feels like a bad thing to me, but maybe it's a change I should have made a long time ago...
I read an article today titled 'Empathy Deficit Disorder'
(http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/06/18/o.empathy/index.html) and it's almost funny how on time it was.
Have you ever been going through something difficult and needed a friend to be there for you and they responded in a way that made you feel 100% worse? Well, maybe they are EDD - "catastrophically unempathetic" to the feelings of others. I don't know if it will make you feel better in the moment, but I found it moderately amusing.
Someone told me today that "people are much more humble than we think - even the most arrogant person." After some thought, I think I agree. Not everyone, but many of us sell ourselves too short, whether on the job or in our relationships. Looking in the mirror, I sometimes question how someone else will view my work experiences and skills... I've spent time in relationships with men that aren't worthy of me (it's not easy for me to even type that still after so much evidence)... Why? I'm not sure. From now on I'll be striving to land in situations that benefit me, and that I can add value to.
*****
Some of you may know, I've been having a very tough couple of weeks. No, all of my loved ones are alive and well, even my Aunt came through her cancer surgery ok. No, I didn't lose my job; I'm not going to be tossed out of my apartment. No, I didn't get sick....
But what happened instead is something that I wasn't prepared for - something that has shaken me because it's something I never considered, something I can't explain, or justify or even comprehend. Someone close to me has tried to hurt me in a most hateful way, and for the life of me, I didn't see it coming, and I know I didn't/ don't deserve it... I feel... numb.
You get comfortable... you think that your friends care about you, and if you truly value them as friends, you trust them... or at least I did. Now I sit here, and all I can do is wonder how I could be so naive, so trusting... Maybe it was the security of "knowing" someone nearly half your life. Maybe I'm just a bad judge of character.
I don't want any one experience to jade my view of people, but I'm having a hard time with this. I think I'll be resistant to being so open in the future. Inherently that feels like a bad thing to me, but maybe it's a change I should have made a long time ago...
****
I read an article today titled 'Empathy Deficit Disorder'
(http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/06/18/o.empathy/index.html) and it's almost funny how on time it was.
Have you ever been going through something difficult and needed a friend to be there for you and they responded in a way that made you feel 100% worse? Well, maybe they are EDD - "catastrophically unempathetic" to the feelings of others. I don't know if it will make you feel better in the moment, but I found it moderately amusing.
***
**
Here's to some of the things I would have blogged about if I wasn't feeling so crummy:
- R. Kelly gets to GO and will immediately collect $2 Billion dollars from his next album...
- Somewhere in Baltimore, a group of people (or gang as they say) thinks it's cool to open fire on groups of toddlers, hitting two of them (non-fatally thank God)
- Tim Russert joins the likes of Ed Bradley and Peter Jennings - talented and objective reporters eternally watching us from the good seats
- Craigslist is pretty cool, even though I've already been stood up by a would be buyer.
- There's nothing like family!
- Do you realize you could listen to an entire Frank Sinatra album and not feel compelled to skip any of the songs?
- Jealousy is an evil little feeling...
*
There is always a silver lining. Even in times of pain or sadness we are still blessed. My dad and i have gotten closer and I've been amused at how protective he has been.. it's kind of cute. My brother, my dad and I all went out together for father's day.. equally impressive. I'm optimistic about getting out of this apartment that's been sucking the financial life out of me for the last few months! I have also found love in some rather unlikely places - people who I've had experiences with that run the gamut, and yet somehow I knew who they were and that they would be there. I still trusted them, and they still embraced me. I guess all hope isn't lost. *smile*
=)
Pray for me
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Reincarnation - Summer Musings - Week of 6/4/08
Greetings!
Well, I think the last time I did this was in either 2004 or 2005 so I may be a little rusty. Please work with me as I regain my bearings. Basically what I will be doing here is sharing ideas and posing questions about a variety of topics for you to consider. I attempt objectivity in the posts, saving my point of view for later.
For me this is an opportunity to gather my thoughts, reflect on them and share them with you. It’s calming and I’ve missed it dearly. So, please read, and if you are so inclined, let me know how you feel. Enjoy!
- - - -
* There has been a lot of talk recently about Hilary Clinton wanting to be on the Ticket with Obama as VP… how would this combination be harmful/beneficial to the democratic party and how would it detract/add to his message of change?
* Does anyone in the media realize that the Bush administration claimed victory in Iraq back in 2003 and yet we still have a multi-billion dollar war going on 5 years and thousands of lives later? Why is this ok?
* On Russ Parr’s show this morning, they had a conversation about the R. Kelly trial, and how a significant number of his listeners’ were writing in to blame the girl, who was 12 or 13 at the time. The penile system often charges young teenagers as adults for serious crimes. Has our society gotten to the point where we think children are fully responsible for their actions?
* Conversely, a judge sentenced a father to six months in jail because his 19 year old daughter failed the GED exam again. The daughter also has an 18 month old child. At what point should parents be accountable for the actions or inactions of their children?
* Is anyone else cheering really hard that the Celtics win the NBA Championship this year (Go KG!!!)? Is anyone else also finding it somewhat difficult to stomach the fact that it’s the Celtics they are cheering for?
* Someone close to me once said “If they aren’t married, they are single” in reference to men and women in committed however not legally binding relationships. Does/should “cheating” only apply to married couples? Do we place too much importance on pre-marital relationships? If not, what’s the difference between being boyfriend/girlfriend and being your husband/wife?
* How frequently do you think about what you want in your life? Do you ever feel guilty about some of the things that you want? Do you take actions to put yourself in position to get what you want or do you take steps to ensure or only slightly elevate your current status?
* One of my professors said that one of her colleagues abroad indicated the only thing the United States was good for was producing entertainment (sports, movies, music) and that we might as well get out of every other business. With the number of companies outsourcing design and manufacturing, and the number of students obtaining technical degrees declining, do they have a point?
* I’ve always been of the mindset that it is much better to be actual friends with someone before you get involved in a relationship with them. Is this reasonable or is it just as possible to develop a great relationship with someone who meets you with the intent to date you?
That's it for now. Thanks for reading!
Well, I think the last time I did this was in either 2004 or 2005 so I may be a little rusty. Please work with me as I regain my bearings. Basically what I will be doing here is sharing ideas and posing questions about a variety of topics for you to consider. I attempt objectivity in the posts, saving my point of view for later.
For me this is an opportunity to gather my thoughts, reflect on them and share them with you. It’s calming and I’ve missed it dearly. So, please read, and if you are so inclined, let me know how you feel. Enjoy!
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* There has been a lot of talk recently about Hilary Clinton wanting to be on the Ticket with Obama as VP… how would this combination be harmful/beneficial to the democratic party and how would it detract/add to his message of change?
* Does anyone in the media realize that the Bush administration claimed victory in Iraq back in 2003 and yet we still have a multi-billion dollar war going on 5 years and thousands of lives later? Why is this ok?
* On Russ Parr’s show this morning, they had a conversation about the R. Kelly trial, and how a significant number of his listeners’ were writing in to blame the girl, who was 12 or 13 at the time. The penile system often charges young teenagers as adults for serious crimes. Has our society gotten to the point where we think children are fully responsible for their actions?
* Conversely, a judge sentenced a father to six months in jail because his 19 year old daughter failed the GED exam again. The daughter also has an 18 month old child. At what point should parents be accountable for the actions or inactions of their children?
* Is anyone else cheering really hard that the Celtics win the NBA Championship this year (Go KG!!!)? Is anyone else also finding it somewhat difficult to stomach the fact that it’s the Celtics they are cheering for?
* Someone close to me once said “If they aren’t married, they are single” in reference to men and women in committed however not legally binding relationships. Does/should “cheating” only apply to married couples? Do we place too much importance on pre-marital relationships? If not, what’s the difference between being boyfriend/girlfriend and being your husband/wife?
* How frequently do you think about what you want in your life? Do you ever feel guilty about some of the things that you want? Do you take actions to put yourself in position to get what you want or do you take steps to ensure or only slightly elevate your current status?
* One of my professors said that one of her colleagues abroad indicated the only thing the United States was good for was producing entertainment (sports, movies, music) and that we might as well get out of every other business. With the number of companies outsourcing design and manufacturing, and the number of students obtaining technical degrees declining, do they have a point?
* I’ve always been of the mindset that it is much better to be actual friends with someone before you get involved in a relationship with them. Is this reasonable or is it just as possible to develop a great relationship with someone who meets you with the intent to date you?
That's it for now. Thanks for reading!
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