If it's conditional, it's not Love

Today on Facebook I decided to update an application called "God wants you to know" and this is what I got:

On this day, God wants you to know...
... that there is no such thing as conditional love. Love is either unconditional or it's no love. You might like someone conditional on their personality or behavior or circumstances. But love accepts no boundaries. So never say 'I love you because', for love has no cause, love comes from God.

I've been guilty of asking a significant other to explain their love for me by asking them why they do, and yet when I have truly loved, I know there isn't a rational reason... It's like the love that you share with your family and dearest friends. Can you imagine asking your sister why she loves you? Asking your parent or grandparent or cousin? Of course not. Despite their flaws, habits, failures or even actions, your love for them remains (although you may not like them).

If this isn't the case, then it isn't love.

I've used the word love with some freedom. I've said it for many reasons (they said it first, or it seemed like the thing to say) and justified it because there were things that I loved about that person. I have loved before, in the true sense of the word. Those I truly loved, I still do despite the circumstances that separated us.

I don't think loving someone is the end all be all, and maybe this is where I can be challenged. The idea that there is one "true love" is unacceptable to me. I believe that we are meant to love throughout our loves and hopefully, we will be blessed enough to love and be loved romantically by one person for a long, long time.

In the meantime, it's likely we will love people that we are fundamentally incompatible with and we can't discount this because of our love. You have to see them for who they are, and while you can still love them, realize that to be with them will make one or both of you miserable. This goes against our instincts - if you love someone, you have to make it work... but this assumes that it can when sometimes it cannot.

*sigh*

I think that's all I wanted to say about that, but when you realize that you do love someone, and they love you, and the relationship works... hold onto it.

Vicious Cycles

I used to talk to a dear friend of mine about circles. We would sit at Applebee's or Ruby Tuesdays and I would reflect life, past relationships and talk about how so often things circled back to where they started. Lost loves come back, wanting second chances. Things that you were interested in years ago become interesting again...

The circles also work for your behavior. We tend to repeat our actions, circling back to what we used to do even if we know it doesn't produce good results. I have circles of this type and I realize that it's time to break them. Earlier this week I had a behavioral circle show it's ugly head. I pushed, knowing full well I shouldn't. It was almost an out of body thing, where I could see it, and knew I should stop, but I didn't. It wasn't to the magnitude as it has been in the past, but it was enough to cause an issue and by the time I caught my tongue, the damage was done.

Not at all what I wanted and part of my sadness stemmed from knowing that even though there was some validity in both sides, I wasn't being myself and I allowed a protective shell to do my talking for me. I know better, and I have to do better if I want better.

After some prayer, and some reflection I was able to have the conversation I should have had in the first place, and things have felt so much better... Sometimes you have to let the circles go.

blogging at this hour....

It's late, I'm awake and I'm blogging. Not the best sign.

One thing I know to be true. Tomorrow isn't promised. Sometimes you don't have more time to fix things, say things, do things for the people you care about. We can't assume that we have that time. Things often look different in the morning, sometimes better, sometimes worse. I don't have all the answers, I just wish for something different now at 3am.